Here's a cell phone ad you won't see......
“Yo?”
“DAD???”
“Anthony?”
“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!”
“WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?”
“I’m dead dad, I’m dead!!!”
“What???”
“Kim’s going to KILL me!!!”
“What did you do this time?”
“I didn’t do anything. It’s not my fault dad, it’s not my fault I swear. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!”
“Son calm down. What happened?”
“It’s John.”
“IS HE OKAY????”
“Dad I swear I wasn’t watching him for like five seconds and he…. he….”
“HE WHAT??????”
“He swallowed my cell phone.”
“WHAT???????? HOW IN THE HELL COULD HE SWALLOW YOUR CELL PHONE????”
“Dad I don’t know. But when I call it he rings. IT’S INSIDE HIM!!!!!!”
“You’re dead.”
“OH MY GOD DAD!!!!!!”
“Did you call 911?”
“I called you.”
“Is he choking?”
“No dad I told you, he swallowed it.”
“Son how in the hell could he swallow something that big?”
“MAYBE BECAUSE HE’S PART ITALIAN DAD!!!! I DON’T KNOW HOW HE DID IT!!!! HE JUST DID IT!!!!”
“Okay calm down we have to think this through. Does he seem sick? Does it look like it hurts? What’s he doing now?”
“Now? He’s watching Curious George. He looks okay he just RINGS!!!!! What am I gonna do dad? What if they want to cut it out of him? OH MY GOD!!!!!”
“Umm….. Does he eat a lot of fiber?”
“What?”
“Well maybe if you give him some fruit or bran or something eventually it will come out.”
“I don’t think that’s gonna work dad.”
“Okay here’s the deal. Meet me at Urgent Care. Don’t tell Kim and I won’t tell mom. Maybe they can pump it out of him and no one will ever know.”
“No one will ever know what?”
“Umm…..””Crap dad, is that mom?”
“Yep. I swear she’s a Ninja.”
“Who are you talking to?”
“Anthony.”
“What are you two up to?”
“NOTHING!!! Why do you assume we’re up to something? I can’t just have a normal conversation with my son?”
”Uh huh…. Then why are you saying that “No one will ever know?”
“It’s a secret. If I told you it would spoil the surprise.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Dad maybe we should tell mom. Mom’s know about these things.”
“It’s okay son I’ve got everything under control.”
“Calabrese give me that phone.”
“Anthony what’s going on?”
"Momit’snotmyfaultJohnswallowedmycell
phoneandnowheringsandKim’sgoingtokillme
whenshefindsoutbecause
theywillhavetocuthimopentogetitout!!!!!!”
“What?”
“JOHN SWALLOWED MY CELL PHONE!!!!!”
“What are you looking at me for? Anthony was watching him.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Anthony there is no way John swallowed your cell phone.”
“MOM HE’S RINGING!!!!”
“You’re both idiots.”
“Mom I swear…. call my cell phone number. Call my cell phone from your cell phone and I’ll hold John’s stomach to the phone.”
“Fine.”
“SEEEEE!!!!! I TOLD YOU!!!!! HE’S RINGING. KIM’S GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!”
“Uh huh…. Son…. When was the last time you changed his diaper?”
“Uh…. About an hour ago.”
“Uh huh…. Change it again.”
“Why? He’s not….. oh…… hold on………..”
(A few moments later)
“False alarm mom!!! My cell phone was in his diaper! Boy am I glad he didn’t poop! Thanks Mom!”
“No problem.”
“Uh… so… John didn’t swallow the cell phone?”
“No, when Anthony changed John’s diaper somehow his cell phone ended up in there.”
“HA!!! Kind of brings new meaning to, “Can you hear me now? Now that’s funny. Anthony was worried for nothing. Kim would have killed him. Well that’s one more funny story he can tell when John grows up. Soooooo…… I’m going to the store do you need anything?”
“Sit your butt down Calabrese. Let me get this straight. You and Anthony thought that John had swallowed Anthony’s cell phone and you were trying to hide that from me and Kim?”
“Um…. No….. Not exactly. I was using my superior analytical skills to assess the situation so we could take a prudent course of action and didn’t feel it necessary to worry the two of you at the time.”
“So you were trying to cover up for your son being an idiot like his father?”
“Hey, I’m no rat. It’s an honor thing… you know… a code we Italian men live by.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Come on honey. I knew John couldn’t have swallowed the phone. There obviously was a logical explanation and we would have figured it all out at Urgent Care.”
“Urgent Care…. Tell me again why I married you?”
“My incredible wit and charm and my huge hands. OOOUUUUCH!!!!! I hate it when you smack me on the back of the head like that. Damn woman I’m going to have a concussion.”
“Just be thankful I don’t have your huge hands.”
“DAD???”
“Anthony?”
“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!”
“WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?”
“I’m dead dad, I’m dead!!!”
“What???”
“Kim’s going to KILL me!!!”
“What did you do this time?”
“I didn’t do anything. It’s not my fault dad, it’s not my fault I swear. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!!!!”
“Son calm down. What happened?”
“It’s John.”
“IS HE OKAY????”
“Dad I swear I wasn’t watching him for like five seconds and he…. he….”
“HE WHAT??????”
“He swallowed my cell phone.”
“WHAT???????? HOW IN THE HELL COULD HE SWALLOW YOUR CELL PHONE????”
“Dad I don’t know. But when I call it he rings. IT’S INSIDE HIM!!!!!!”
“You’re dead.”
“OH MY GOD DAD!!!!!!”
“Did you call 911?”
“I called you.”
“Is he choking?”
“No dad I told you, he swallowed it.”
“Son how in the hell could he swallow something that big?”
“MAYBE BECAUSE HE’S PART ITALIAN DAD!!!! I DON’T KNOW HOW HE DID IT!!!! HE JUST DID IT!!!!”
“Okay calm down we have to think this through. Does he seem sick? Does it look like it hurts? What’s he doing now?”
“Now? He’s watching Curious George. He looks okay he just RINGS!!!!! What am I gonna do dad? What if they want to cut it out of him? OH MY GOD!!!!!”
“Umm….. Does he eat a lot of fiber?”
“What?”
“Well maybe if you give him some fruit or bran or something eventually it will come out.”
“I don’t think that’s gonna work dad.”
“Okay here’s the deal. Meet me at Urgent Care. Don’t tell Kim and I won’t tell mom. Maybe they can pump it out of him and no one will ever know.”
“No one will ever know what?”
“Umm…..””Crap dad, is that mom?”
“Yep. I swear she’s a Ninja.”
“Who are you talking to?”
“Anthony.”
“What are you two up to?”
“NOTHING!!! Why do you assume we’re up to something? I can’t just have a normal conversation with my son?”
”Uh huh…. Then why are you saying that “No one will ever know?”
“It’s a secret. If I told you it would spoil the surprise.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Dad maybe we should tell mom. Mom’s know about these things.”
“It’s okay son I’ve got everything under control.”
“Calabrese give me that phone.”
“Anthony what’s going on?”
"Momit’snotmyfaultJohnswallowedmycell
phoneandnowheringsandKim’sgoingtokillme
whenshefindsoutbecause
theywillhavetocuthimopentogetitout!!!!!!”
“What?”
“JOHN SWALLOWED MY CELL PHONE!!!!!”
“What are you looking at me for? Anthony was watching him.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Anthony there is no way John swallowed your cell phone.”
“MOM HE’S RINGING!!!!”
“You’re both idiots.”
“Mom I swear…. call my cell phone number. Call my cell phone from your cell phone and I’ll hold John’s stomach to the phone.”
“Fine.”
“SEEEEE!!!!! I TOLD YOU!!!!! HE’S RINGING. KIM’S GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!”
“Uh huh…. Son…. When was the last time you changed his diaper?”
“Uh…. About an hour ago.”
“Uh huh…. Change it again.”
“Why? He’s not….. oh…… hold on………..”
(A few moments later)
“False alarm mom!!! My cell phone was in his diaper! Boy am I glad he didn’t poop! Thanks Mom!”
“No problem.”
“Uh… so… John didn’t swallow the cell phone?”
“No, when Anthony changed John’s diaper somehow his cell phone ended up in there.”
“HA!!! Kind of brings new meaning to, “Can you hear me now? Now that’s funny. Anthony was worried for nothing. Kim would have killed him. Well that’s one more funny story he can tell when John grows up. Soooooo…… I’m going to the store do you need anything?”
“Sit your butt down Calabrese. Let me get this straight. You and Anthony thought that John had swallowed Anthony’s cell phone and you were trying to hide that from me and Kim?”
“Um…. No….. Not exactly. I was using my superior analytical skills to assess the situation so we could take a prudent course of action and didn’t feel it necessary to worry the two of you at the time.”
“So you were trying to cover up for your son being an idiot like his father?”
“Hey, I’m no rat. It’s an honor thing… you know… a code we Italian men live by.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Come on honey. I knew John couldn’t have swallowed the phone. There obviously was a logical explanation and we would have figured it all out at Urgent Care.”
“Urgent Care…. Tell me again why I married you?”
“My incredible wit and charm and my huge hands. OOOUUUUCH!!!!! I hate it when you smack me on the back of the head like that. Damn woman I’m going to have a concussion.”
“Just be thankful I don’t have your huge hands.”
posted by Shrinking Wop at 3:55 PM
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