Wednesday, September 05, 2007

My Kingdom for a Goat!!!

It’s not everyday that you read the following headline:

"Airline sacrifices goats to appease sky god”

No this was not an old issue of “The Weekly World News” this was a Reuters headline yesterday..

The story continued:

“KATHMANDU - Officials at Nepal's “state-run” airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday. Nepal Airlines, which has “two” Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due to the problem. The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.”

Maybe that’s why they only have two planes….. left.

How would you like to be looking out the window of the 757 you’re on waiting to take off and see someone sacrificing a goat on the runway?

“Excuse me stewardess?”

“Yes sir?”

“Umm… Someone is killing a goat out there.”

“Yes sir, we know sir. We’re just having some mechanical difficulties and we want to make sure the sky god has us covered.”

Sacrificing goats?

Fifty bucks says there’s a mechanic named Jesus with his hands on his hips saying, “A couple more hours I could have replaced the chingarera and that thing would have flown great. But noooooooo………. they have to kill my goats.”

How would you like to be the pilot and copilot of that plane?

"Tower this is Nepal 001, we are experiencing an engine malfunction and may need to return to the gate."

"Nepal 001 this is the tower, no need to return... we're sending out a goat."

Where is PETA when you need them?

I have this vision of a herd of goats next to the runway and every one of them is thinking, "FLY YOU SON OF A BITCH FLY!!!!"

What happens if this trend starts to spread?

Anything mechanical breaks down… some mammal needs to die.

What if Greyhound starts sacrificing cats in front of buses?

What if it spreads to any kind of failure in general?

“Honey we just got little Timmy’s report card and he’s failed his geometry class.”

“Kill his fish.”

“Mr. President we’re having a little trouble in Iraq.”

“Kill a Donkey.”

Sacrificing goats?

Who the hell keeps a goat around to sacrifice anyway?

I don’t know anyone that owns a goat.

Or a pig.

Or a cow.

Basically I don’t know anyone that owns farm animals.

How did they come up with the idea that killing two goats would make a Boeing 757 fly?

I’ve never seen a flying goat.

I did see a flying pig once.


At least I think it was a pig.

It squealed a lot just before it landed. Well… it didn’t actually land… it kind of crashed to earth.

It’s a tequila story and I’d rather not relive it.

This is the kind of stuff that makes me glad I’m an American.

Sacrificing goats.

Sure we can screw a few things up. But we’ve never sacrificed a goat. We probably won’t sacrifice cats, donkeys or hamsters either.

I’m okay with chickens. We could sacrifice a few chickens maybe add a little barbecue sauce some mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, some biscuits and gravy…

Hmmm…. I wonder if you can barbecue goat?