Friday, August 24, 2007

Love that dirty water!

For all of you who think I make this stuff up all I can say is sometimes I wish I did.

Unfortunately I don’t.

This article was in the San Diego Union Tribune yesterday.

Chula Vista center connected to pipes carrying treated sewage”

“For two years, occupants of the 17 businesses in Eastlake's Fenton Business Center have been drinking and washing their hands in treated sewage water.”

Two years?


“Shop owners in a Chula Vista business park knew something was wrong with their water. It tasted bad, smelled funny and had a yellowish tint.”

Ya think?

This was going on for two years?

At some point, way earlier than two years, doesn’t someone in one of those offices say, “You know… this office coffee tastes like crap.”

Ken August, a spokesman for the state Department of Public Health, said officials are investigating.

“We have learned about the situation and we are evaluating it,” August said.

Evaluating it?

Um…. There’s poop in the water. It’s poopy water. You want an evaluation? Here’s one, THERE’S POOP IN THE WATER!!!!

You don’t need to evaluate poopy water you need to fix it!!!

To me this should be the responsibility of Homeland Security. If there’s anything we want to be secure from its poopy water. There needs to be a special poopy water assault force that can swoop in and scoop out the poopy water. Delta Force, Rangers, Ninja’s, I don’t care but someone needs to do something.

How come I can’t take toothpaste on a plane but they can put poop in the water?

How come I can’t open a checking account without the complete history of every member of my family but they can put poop in the water?

How come I can’t buy Claritin without feeling like a criminal but they can put poop in the water?

This is America!

This is a poopy water free country.

Al Queda doesn’t have to do anything!

“Hey Osama, peace be upon you, you want we should blow ourselves up to get the Americans?”

“Shakeel O’kneel my friends, no need to blow yourselves up, we will just poop.”

How can our president deal with the rest of the world when this happens right here at home?

“President Putin we believe it prudent for Russia to stop flying long range bombers over NATO airspace. If you do not cease these flights immediately we are prepared to take action.”

“President Bush, please, you are a cowboy, you will do nothing. You have poop in your water.”

“Yeah… well… your name rhymes with poopin.”

Our great nation, our states, our cities, deserve poop free water!

You don’t see “Poopafina” water anywhere do you?

Because it isn’t supposed to be that way.

That’s a tap water that’s not supposed to exist.

I want the mayor of the city of Chula Vista to dress up in a biohazard suit, stand on the back of a septic tank truck and declare, “Mission Accomplished. The evil poopers of our water are defeated.”

Somehow this is going to get blamed on illegal immigration or the Republicans even though everyone knows that if ever anyone was going to drink anything recycled, especially poop, it would be a liberal democrat.

How in the hell do you hook up the recycled sewer water to the drinking water line?

Who’s working at the Water Authority?

Ed Norton?

“Heeey Ralphie-boy!!! Check out the practical joke me and the guys in the sewer played on the city of Chula Vista.”

“Norton! Norton! Are you nuts? People can’t drink poopy water. One of these days Norton I swear I’ll…..”

“Look, just don't get upset. There's no sense in getting upset. Now listen, the boys in the sewer, there, when we get upset we got a little motto... a little saying that gives us comfort in time of need. Maybe I can pass it on to you. May I favor you with this little ode? "When the tides of life turn against you, and the current upsets your boat. Don't waste those tears on what might have been, just lay on your back and float."

“Well said Norton well said.”