Friday, August 10, 2007

Confucious say - If the Choo fits.......

There comes a time in life where a man reaches the pinnacle of knowledge when it comes to women.

The peak ain’t that high.

But when you’ve been with a woman for thirty three years and twenty nine of those have been in marriage you tend to learn a few things.

But not enough.

I apparently will never learn how to “listen”.

The other day my wife mumbled something about going out with her sister to get some “Jimmy Choo’s”.

Now I’m on a diet… again… and I can’t have Chinese food, but I figure what the hell, she works out everyday, she can afford the calories, if she wants it go for it.

So I say……

“Sounds great honey, if that’s what you want, you’ve earned it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure I’m sure. It won’t bother me. I’ll just go up to the den so I don’t have to smell it.”

She had this puzzled look on her face but in thirty three years I’ve seen that face a lot.

I’ve never understood it, but I know it.

She started to say something, shook her head, and walked out the door.

Five hours later she walked back in.

She had this look on her face…. Oh god…. This look….I know this look…. It’s the look that says, “This is going to cost me money.”


“Well what?”

“What do you think?”

“Uhhhh…. About what?”

“My Jimmy Choo’s.”

“I… uhhh…I dunno… what do you think?”

“It’s amazing! It’s like I’m walking on air?”

(Man how good is this Chinese food?)

“What did you have for lunch?”

“Lunch? Oh I had a sandwich at the Deli in Nordstrom.”

“You ate at the Deli in Nordstrom and got Jimmy Choo’s?”

“Too much?”

“Don’t you think?”

“Lunch for both of us was only twenty two dollars.”

“I don’t care how much lunch cost honey but how can you go to Nordstom and Jimmy Choo’s?

“Jimmy Choo’s is right around the corner.”

“How much time between the time you were in Nordstrom and the time you were in Jimmy Choo’s?”

“What difference does that make?”

“Did you at least walk it off?”

“After I got my Jimmy Choo’s.”

“How did you hold that much?”

“They gave us bags numb nuts, how do you think we held it?”

“I just… I’ve never… You don’t usually go to two places in a row like that. It’s not good for you. You could get cramps or something.”

“Cramps? Please? You can’t get cramps with Jimmy Choo’s. Only the cheap stuff gives you cramps.”

“You can get cramps when you have too much of anything sweetheart. What would you say if I said that I went to Nordstrom and Jimmy Choo’s at lunch?

“Ummm... That you were gay?”

“Gay? What does going to Jimmy Choo’s have to do with being gay? What did you get at Jimmy Choo’s anyway?”

“I got some Bindi’s and a Bale.”

“I thought you didn’t like seafood.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Jimmy Choo’s.”

“What has that got to do with fish?”

“They don’t sell fish at…. all those Chinese places have fish… Wait… What the hell kind of restaurant is Jimmy Choo’s?”


“Didn’t you and your sister go to Jimmy Choo’s for lunch?”

“NO!!! Jimmy Choo’s doesn’t sell food. I told you we went to Nordstrom for lunch. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Um…. What… does… Jimmy Choo’s… sell?”


“Shoes? Crud….”

“Aren’t you going to ask me how much I saved?”