Tuesday, March 13, 2007

We all just need to sloooowwwww down.......

I think technology is advancing in the wrong direction?

Cell phones are so small they look like something you’d find in Barbie’s “Dream House”.

What’s next? Are human’s going to evolve so that we have little tiny points on the end of our fingers so we can use the damn phone!!!

I can’t use any one of those stupid “berry” things because my hands are too damn big.

Why create smaller things when we all know we’re getting bigger?

Why does new technology mean it has to be smaller?

At what point do we say enough is enough? When we just download TV directly to our brains?

Have you ever tried to watch movies or TV on these stupid “pod” things?

Is anyone really sitting around saying, “Damn I missed American Idol, but at least I can download it to my two inch screen and shove it in my eye.”?

These “pod” things can hold up to 20,000 songs.

Who even knows 20,000 songs? I can’t remember the right lyrics to “Louie Louie”!!! How in the hell can you remember 20,000 songs?

And I’m not even counting Rap or Country Western songs because all Rap and Country Western Songs sound the same. Download either one and you’ve pretty much downloaded them all.

“But Tony how can you compare Rap to Country Western?”

Because a Country Western song is basically Rap translated into English.

In either song someone or something is getting shot, stolen, screwed or driven around.

Am I wrong?

I believe you only need to listen to three songs.

Stairway to Heaven, New York New York and Santa Got Run Over By a Reindeer. You have those three… you’ve pretty much heard everything.

The thing that really makes me nuts is this “blue” thing. The…. what the hell is it called?...... “Blue Tooth”!!!

They should call it “Blue Balls”!!! You can’t get a woman to go out with you wearing one of those stupid things in your ear.

You never see a woman wearing one of those.

You know why?

Because women know that Star Fleet Command doesn’t exist!!!

“But Tony how do we talk to people when we’re driving? We’re supposed to talk hands free.”

Nooooo……. you’re supposed to drive and shut the “^%*& up!!!

Why do we always have to be connected to something?

There was a time when we could make our own decisions without having to call our wives for permission.

I remember those times.

Okay maybe it was just one time.

But we were men, the man of the house, the hunter, the Alpha dog!!!

Now we can’t go to the store without calling to make sure we get the right diet cheese and feminine napkins.

What has happened to us?

We don’t need to be plugged in.

We need to wake up!

Why is it we have access to more information than ever before but no one seems to know anything?

Our kids can get a “youtube” video downloaded to their cell phones showing a grill cheese sandwich in Somalia with the face of Lou Gosset Jr. imprinted on it 30 minutes after it’s grilled up but they don’t even know where Somalia is.

Technology has become the new religion.

You don’t think so?

Haven’t we all heard, “Oh don’t worry eventually technology will catch up and we’ll figure that out.”?

Um…. Isn’t that pretty much faith?

Huh… I wonder what songs Jesus would download.

“Knock Knock Knockin on Heavens Door….”

I guarantee Madonna won’t be on his iPod.

What would Gandhi download? Jingles for food commercials?

What would Abraham Lincoln download?

“Well I think I’m going out of my head…..”

What would Mother Theresa download?

“Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”

I got a million of em…….

I just want to get through one day where the only reason I hear the word “downloaded” is because someone drank too much tequila.

I tired of technology I hate it!!!

“Are you done whining Calabrese?”

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.”

“Is all this stuff you’re spewing because you can’t figure out how to change the time on the microwave?”

“It’s not just the microwave. It’s my phone and my watch too. Stupid technology. It was a lot easier when there was just an hour hand to move ahead. Stupid digital technology. Communist bastards. I hate it.”

“Do you want me to get your grandson to do it?”

“Very funny woman, I’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Yeah… next year.”

“Stupid technology, stupid daylight savings time. If this was saving so much electricity how come we aren’t on daylight savings time all year? Communists…..”

“You don’t hate technology Calabrese. You write a blog on a computer for Christ’s sake. So stop your bitching and fix the clocks.”

“Hey!!! I’m the man of the house! I know what I’m doing!”

“Apparently you’re the man of the house that’s going to be one hour late for the next year.”

“Fine, get your own diet cheese.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Don’t you wish your husband was hot like me……..”