Thursday, March 01, 2007

Do you suffer from painful hem...........?


“What’s wrong babe?”


“Honey what happened? Uh… Why are you holding a needle and thread in your hands? You don’t sew.”

“I can sew. I just choose not to sew.”

“That works for me. I can use a hammer I just choose to hire a Mexican.”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“So what’s with the needle and thread?”

“I was trying to save money.”

“Uh…. Doing what? Were you going to sew my mouth shut while I was sleeping?”

“Don’t tempt me Calabrese.”

“Why don’t you put that needle down before you poke my eye out with it? What does saving money have do to with you sewing something?”

“I didn’t want to pay to have these pants hemmed.”

“It’s seven bucks babe. You didn’t want to spend seven dollars?”

“It was the principle of the thing.”

“Okay so now they’re hemmed what’s the problem? Did you stick yourself?”

“Look again.”

“What? I think you did a pretty good job. I don’t usually see you doing chick stuff like that. That’s very impressive babe. Good for you.”

“Chick stuff?”

“Uh…. You know like sewing and mending and stuff…. You know…. Chick stuff.”


“I mean… you know… housework stuff like women do.”

“So now you’re saying I don’t do housework?”

“No I mean…. Um… Okay stop right there. I’m obviously an idiot and you’re confusing me.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“I said I was an idiot. I’m sorry, what else can I say?”

“Nothing, I already know you’re an idiot. I can’t believe I did this to my pants.”


“I should know better than to tell you.”


“I hemmed the wrong side.”

“How can you hem the wrong side? A hem is a hem.”


“Uh… Yes well… It is on the outside… It doesn’t look that bad.”


“It doesn’t look that bad? It doesn’t look that BAD? I hemmed the wrong side.”

“You could just wear them that way as a fashion statement.”

“A fashion statement? What statement am I making? That I can’t hem my PANTS???”

“Why didn’t you just let the little Chinese lady at the cleaners do it?”

“I told you I was trying to save money.”

“Uh huh… because it was the principle of the thing?”


“So the principle of the thing is to go out and spend some amount of money, which I don’t want to know, buying a new pair of pants and then rather than letting a highly trained Chinese professional hem them for seven dollars, or the equivalent of two cups of some frappolattomacho crap from Starbucks, you hem them yourself as a statement to fiscal responsibility?”

“Something like that.”

“Okay so just take the pants down to the Chinese lady now and get them fixed.”

“I will, I just have to let the hem out.”

“Let me guess… so she won’t know you hemmed them the wrong way?”


“Just blame me and you won’t have to screw around with them anymore.”

“Oh I’m going to tell the lady at the cleaners that my idiot husband tried to hem my pants and hemmed them on the outside?”

“Sure, why not?”

“She won’t believe me.”


“Because she’s met you and she knows I wouldn’t let you anywhere near my pants.”

“Um… you might want to rephrase that.”

“No… I don’t think so.”

“Is that because you think I’m going to write about this in my blog.”

“You’re not that stupid.”