Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Can you hear me now?

This post is really a follow up to my last post.

Because now I’ve seen everything.

It’s official.

Everyone has a cell phone.

I just saw a homeless guy unplug the water machine outside of 7-11 and plug in his cell phone to recharge it.

His cell phone….


Who’s he gonna call?

Pizza Hut?

Who’s on his “Fav – Five”?

Father Joe’s Village?

Can you see other homeless guys yelling at him for pushing his cart and using his phone at the same time?

What would you call a hands free device for a homeless guy?

A “One Tooth”?

I was mesmerized watching this.

You don’t see this everyday.

I was tempted to ask him if he had a “My Space” page but I could smell him from my car and I didn’t have any spare change.

Achmed from 7-11 must have been alerted by someone else because he came running out yelling.

“Hullahullahullahullahullahullahullahulla!!! You stop smelly man!!!”

At this moment I realized that I was watching the triumph of the American spirit.

The homeless guy looked up at Achmed and said, and I quote, “Kiss my ass you terrorist F&*K!!!”
I was stunned.

Then I started to laugh.

Then I started to applaud.

Don’t get me wrong. I felt bad for Achmed. He was just doing his job and I know he’s actually a Chaldean Christian. But in that moment I realized that America was secure.

Because even if they could defeat our military they could never defeat a country of homeless pissed off alcoholics with cell phones.

If Patrick Henry was alive today he would say, “Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me Verizon or give me death!”