Which came first the chicken or flavored water?

Scientists have come out with a report that says you do not need to drink eight glasses of water a day. After three years and hundreds of thousands of dollars scientists have concluded that…

You only need to drink...............

Wait for it……..

When you're thirsty.

TADA!!!

I’m fairly confident that this one scientific discovery will save our planet from the rising sea levels caused by Global Warming.

Why?

Has anyone checked to see if maybe the sea levels are rising because people are just peeing too much?

Is it just a coincidence that they started telling people to drink eight glasses a day at the same time they now believe global warming started?

If people would only drink when they’re thirsty we could save our planet.

Well maybe not the whole planet.

I think Fiji and South Dakota are still basically screwed.

Not only could this save the planet it may actually shorten up the ladies line at the stadium, ballpark, movies etc.

We all see those long pee lines outside the women’s restrooms.

I think it’s because a lot of women walk around with bottled water. They’ve got to drink water, got to have those eight glasses a day.

Drink, drink, drink, water, water, water!!!

So they spend half the day in the restroom.

Meanwhile people that really need to pee are screwed.

Drink, drink, drink, water, water, water!!!

I love these health nuts that drink the vitamin enhanced “flavored” waters.

Water enhanced with vitamins.

Ooooooooooh.

They’re also “flavored” with “High Fructose Corn Syrup”.

Umm….. That’s no longer water.

That’s diabetes in a bottle.

Water has “zero” calories.

As in nothing, nada, zip.

Most of these flavored waters have 50 to 80 calories a serving. There are usually 2 servings per bottle.

So if you’re stupid enough to be drinking eight glasses of this crap a day you’re going to end up in a sugar induced coma taking up space in the pee line.

The only flavored water that’s okay is “Propel”. It only has about 30 calories in a bottle. I think they named it “Propel” because of how hard you’ll pee after you drink eight bottles of the stuff.

But I’m not a scientist.

I could be wrong.

Does it not make you nuts listening to these “scientists”, “doctors”, and “experts” constantly changing their minds?

“EAT CARBS!!!! EVERYBODY NEEDS TO EAT CARBS!!!!:”

“WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T EAT CARBS!!!!! EAT PROTEIN!!!!!

“EAT EGGS FOR PROTEIN!!!!

“WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T EAT THE YOLK OF AN EGG!!!!!!”

I guess it depends on who these scientists are working for.

50 years ago “scientists” were saying smoking menthol cigarettes could actually help you “breathe” better.

Right....

I’m actually okay with the “don’t eat eggs” thing.

I’m mean... let’s face it.

An egg is the only thing on the planet that doesn’t taste “just like chicken”.

And if the only thing you’re eating is the white stuff.... uh... you’re basically eating slime.

Eggs are one of the only two foods that I don’t ever eat.

I don’t eat eggs and I never eat mayonnaise or anything made with mayonnaise.

Ever.

I hate mayonnaise.

I almost got into a fight once in a supposedly “Italian” deli because they put mayonnaise on a torpedo sandwich and then HEATED it up!!!!!

ARRRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!

There needs to be a law!!!!

You don’t ever put mayo on salami, mortadella, pepperoni or proscuito!!!!

AND YOU NEVER WANT TO EAT WARM MAYONNAISE!!!

Communists!!!

I found out later the owners were Syrians.

Figures.

No one ever got a good torpedo sandwich in Syria.

Maybe it’s because good Italian meats have to be blessed by the pope.

What?

Well they should be.

I’ll bet I could find a scientist that says so.