Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Happy Valentines Day to all the people with big butts.

The Sunday dinner is a tradition in our house. When my boys were growing up they were allowed to bring anyone over for Sunday dinner. When they were teenagers it felt like we were feeding an army but their friends all knew that on Sunday they could count on a good home cooked meal. My nickname to them was "Big Dog" and it still is today. For some reason we always had leftovers. It didn’t matter if we were serving six or sixteen there were always doggy bags for them to take home.

The best part of Sunday dinner was the conversation. It was a wealth of comic material and I can see it will continue with my grandkids if last Sunday’s conversation with my four year old grandson at dinner is any indication.


“Yes Alex.”

“I’m confused.”

“What are you confused about?”


“Daaaaad…. Watch what you say.”

“Relax A.J. I’m talking to my grandson.”

“Well girls can be pretty confusing. Look at me. I’ve known your gramma for 32 years. I’m always confused.”


“Careful Calabrese.”

“I think you’re going to get in trouble again Poppa.”

“Don’t worry. What about girls confuse you?”

“They’re always kissing me.”

“On the lips?”




“Who’s kissing you? Pearl?”

“No Poppa not Pearl.”

“I thought Pearl was your girlfriend.”

“She’s my ex-girlfriend.”

“Uh… then who’s kissing you?”


“Is she your girlfriend?”

“She is now.”

“Well okay then. So your girlfriend Jocelyn is always kissing you.”


“And that’s confusing?”


“Now I’m confused.”

“I want to kiss Ann Marie.”

“Um…. I see… well….”

“Watch it dad.”

“Calabrese if you want to sleep with one eye open…..”

“So Ann Marie is pretty cute?”

“She’s a hottie.”

“Let the record show that he said it not me. So does Ann Marie want to kiss you?”

“Poppa…. I said everyone wants to kiss me.”

“Well I can see why you’re confused.”

“Alex, Poppa is going to give you a little advice.”

“Please dad, don’t do it.”

“I’m watching you Calabrese.”

“I believe it was the late great Milton Bradley or possibly Fred Mertz that said, “Show me the hottest woman in the world and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of …..”




“BIG DOG!!!!!”


“…. Kissing her.”

“I’m not kissing Ann Marie. I said I WANT to kiss Ann Marie.”

“I told you people to relax. You see Alex women are pretty much all the same.”

“Not the old ones.”

“Uh…. Especially the old ones.”

“Not the fat ones.”

“Uh…. Even the fat ones. There’s an old expression Alex, “Size doesn’t matter.”

“OH GOD!!! DAD!!!!”

“It sure doesn’t.”

“OH GOD!!! MOM!!!!”

“Thanks babe.”

“Poppa… It matters to me.”

“Here’s the thing. You want to be nice to all the girls. You never know what anyone is going to grow up to be. A girl you would never think of as being your girlfriend now could be your girlfriend when you’re sixteen.”

“I don’t think so Poppa.”

“Why not Alex?”

“Because when I’m sixteen I’ll be married to Ann Marie.”

“Okay then….as long as you have it worked out.”

“Then she’ll have to kiss me.”

“Yep. Once you’re married they pretty much have to kiss you.”

“Wanna bet Calabrese?”

“So are you giving a Valentine to Ann Marie?”

“I’m giving a Valentine to EVERYBODY.”

“To everyone?”

“Miss Rose said we have to.”

“Miss Rose is your teacher?”

“Yep. She’s fat.”

“Um…. I’m sure it’s just glandular.”

“She has a big butt.”

“That’s glandular alright.”

“I have to give her a Valentine too.”

“That’s nice she’ll like that.”

“I’m not kissing her. Can I have more juice?”

“Uh… Okay someone needs to take over for me because the responses in my head right now will definitely get me into trouble.”

“You started this Dad.”

“Okay. Fine. Alex do you know what Valentines Day is all about?”

“Yep. You told me it was when all those guys got whacked in the garage.”



“Alex, I told you that’s what “happened” on Valentine’s Day not what Valentine’s Day is all about. Valentines Day is about showing other people that you can be their pal.”

“Not those guys in the garage.”

“You have a point there….”

“Alex, listen to your Gramma for a second. Valentine’s Day is a day where you get the chance to show the people you care about how much love them. You don’t have to give them cards or gifts, sometimes you just need to tell them with your own words that you love them.”

“I love you Gramma.”

“I love you too sweetie.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!