Wednesday, January 03, 2007

"Carpe Abdum"

It’s here.


The year of the……..

I don’t know but it’s probably some animal that tastes just like chicken.

I been listening to people drone on and on about how this year is going to be different and this year their resolutions going to be to lose weight, eat right, save money, be a better husband, wife, mother, father whatever and blah blah blah….

Well not me.

In the past I would be all Gung Ho about diet and exercise and I would just end up hungry and injured.

Well I’m not setting myself up for failure again.

Not me.

I’m setting my sights on an actual doable resolution.

By the end of this year I’m going to have an…


That’s right.

None of this “kill myself” at the gym crap.

“We’ve got to work on your “Abs” to strengthen your core Tony.”

That’s what they always tell me.

But what if deep down at my core I’m a fat guy? What about that? Did they ever think of that?

So I’ll exercise.

A little.

But I’m not shooting for a “six pack”.

I just want one good “Ab”.

If I do that every year then six years from now I’ll be good to go.

My second, and only other resolution, is to get this song out of my head.

It’s from that Heineken Beer TV commercial.

“Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”

Dammit! I can’t even type it without thinking of that stupid song.

My wife won't let me even have a girlfriend.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a forty-nine year old Italian man in line at Home Depot and have that stupid song come out of your mouth?

I don’t even realize I’m singing the damn thing.

It’s almost as bad as when I was hooked on, “You make me feel like a natural woman.”

Why me?

With my luck I’ll be at the gym working on my “Ab” and one of those songs will pop into my head.

Oh well, at least when I have the one good “Ab” those gym rats will have to give me some R.E.S.P.E.C.T.