Monday, December 25, 2006

"And Three Wise Men appeared from the direction of the local 7-11"

Do you ever have one of those days where you’re in a hurry and you end up on a four lane street with a speed limit of 40 miles per hour and on your side of the street the right lane in front of you is occupied by an old person doing 27.5 miles and hour and he’s in a race with the old person in the left lane in front of you who’s also doing 27.5 miles and hour and you’re hitting every red light and there’s no way around them and then 30 minutes into drive you can’t remember where you’re going?

That sums up December.

Have you ever gone to Las Vegas with your wife and she decides to go see “Phantom of the opera with a few friends and you’re left alone, a man, in Las Vegas, with two hours to kill, a man, alone, in Las Vegas and you.... decide to take a nap?

That sums up December.

Have you ever gone to Las Vegas and the only thing that happened to you in Las Vegas that’s supposed to stay in Las Vegas is the flu?

That sums up December.

I haven’t written in a month. I did start to write but nothing seemed funny. Sometimes you get writers block. Other times it hits you in the face with a hammer.

Its Christmas morning and I am forcing my self to write. So in honor of Christmas Day I said to myself, “What would Jesus write?”

I think he would tell the tale of how he received this week a unique Christmas gift.

A painting on black velvet.

Not a painting of Elvis,

Not a painting of four dogs playing poker.

Not even a painting of the Golden Gate Bridge.

No I received on black velvet...

wait for it...

A painting of the Taj Mahal.

I will repeat that for you.

A painting of the Taj Mahal.

Don’t believe me?


Now when you receive a black velvet painting of the Taj Mahal and the person that gave it to you is waiting for a response you have two options.

One is to look the person straight in the eye and say, “What the #$%*!”

The other is to pretend to be excited.

So I’m excited about the Taj Mahal.....

Well hell it’s Christmas, what was I supposed to do?

He could have at least framed the thing.

He thought it would look good in my office.

I’ve looked at my office.

Never once did I say to myself.... “You know this place needs something... oh I don’t know... from India.”

Do Hindus even celebrate Christmas?

I mean the ones that didn’t get the customer service contract for SBC.

Maybe the Three Wise Men where from Bombay.

I wish you could have seen the look on my wife’s face when I showed this to her.

There is no way to describe it.

I can tell you what she said.

“You are not seriously thinking of hanging that thing up in my house?”

So here I am Christmas morning looking at my Christmas black velvet painted Taj Mahal thinking to myself.

“Where can I hang this to make my wife nuts?”

I’m thinking over the bed.

Or better yet in her dressing area.

Oh it’s going to be a great new year.

I can feel it.

And I have the black velvet painted Taj Mahal to prove it.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!