Saturday, November 04, 2006

We the people.......

At some point in our childhood all males are subject to a humiliating ritual. Usually it happened in elementary school. The retired marine “P.E.” teacher would pick out two of your classmates and make them “captains”. They would then “pick teams” using a very scientific process of elimination.

“That guy sucks don’t take him.”

Then as you get to high school and start dating you go through something similar with your first real interaction with women.

“That guys sucks don’t date him.”

Time passes and you get to that age where you are ready to settle down and start a family. You meet the girl of your dreams and all of her friends say:

“That guy sucks don’t marry him.”

Since we have been trained over and over again to understand the same message why don’t we just use it as the basic election anti opponent ad?

“That guy sucks don’t vote for him.”

I don’t know about you people but I’ve about had it with the pre Election Day ads.

“Police Officers, Fire Fighters, School Teachers, Sanitation Engineers aka Garbage Men, Pianists, Baristas, Grocery Store Clerks, My Mom, Achmed at 7-11, Puppies and everyone who isn’t a commie pinko bastard supports…..”

Wouldn’t it just be easier to say, “That guy sucks don’t vote for him” or “That proposition sucks don’t vote for that.”?

When it comes to the propositions I have a very simple rule. If they can’t explain it in two sentences I don’t vote for it.


Because anything longer than that was written by too many lawyers and will cost a butt load of money.

I mean come on, other than really old people that can take the time to actually read this crap does anyone really know what the hell or who the hell we’re voting for?

Have you looked at your sample ballot?

Who are all these people?

We have a guy running for senator in California that lists his occupation as “Immigration Control Consultant”. What the hell is that? Does he own a fence company?

Then there are the “judges, community college trustees and the school district board members”. We vote for them but does anyone actually know these people?

I’ve never seen a community college trustee.

Have you?

Why does a community college even need a trustee?

It’s a community college for Christ’s sake; my illegal alien maid could run it.

How many people vote for these people like they pick horses. It depends on their name. If these people were smart they’d change their names to something snappy like “Pull Your Pants Up Peters” or “Curfew Cohen” or “Get A Job Jones” or “Chuck the Executioner.”

Let’s face it voting is basically gambling. The odds of electing an honest decent politician are about the same as winning the Lotto.

I believe it was Raymond Burr or possibly Gandhi that once said, “All politicians suck, now somebody get me a sandwich.”

All politicians suck.

If we start with that premise it makes voting a lot easier.

Then we have to think, “Okay, which one of these people is most likely to secretly dress up in leather chaps and a Nazi helmet, cover themselves with chocolate syrup, and then roll around with dung beetles while listening to Wagner’s Ride of the Valkeryies and then raise my taxes, all in the name of god?”

Am I wrong?

Don’t we always just end up picking the lesser of two evils?

Where did we get all these freaks?

Pedophiles, drug addicts, religious zealots, war mongers, sexual deviants, embezzlers, liars, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

We voted for these people.

Isn’t America great?

Where else could people like that get into power?

We truly are a government of the people, by the people, for the... well okay... for the big corporations like Mobil and Halliburton, but two out of three ain’t bad.

But seriously folks.......

I think back to the first paragraph I wrote and the retired marine that was my first P.E. teacher.

He had done his duty and he had nothing to prove. But he understood that if you suck no one wants to pick you. And to get picked you needed to get better. And through all the pain and humiliation he drove us to get better. Some of us would never be athletes or leaders of the free world but we would get better. He made us want to do better.

Where are those people? Where are those politicians? Where are the people that want this country to be better? Where are those people that care more about their country than special interests?

They are out there. I know it’s hard to believe, given what we’ve seen lately, but this is still the greatest nation on earth. People from all over the world want to come here, risk their lives to come here.


To get better, to do better, to live better, because this country is better than where they came from.

So I encourage all of you to vote. But when you do, regardless of your political party, take a little time to find out who or what you are voting for.

And then vote.

Vote for who or what makes us, as a people, as a nation, better.

And if anyone one the ballot is a retired marine P.E. teacher.... that's probably a good bet.