My Kingdom for a Colander!!!
“Dammit! It’s missing.”
“What are you doing? There are pots and pans all over my kitchen floor!!!”
“I can’t find my colander.”
“There’s two of them right there.”
“I don’t like those; I need “my” colander.”
“Is it your lucky colander?”
“Don’t mock me woman. I need that colander for Thanksgiving.”
“It’s a colander Calabrese.”
“I think the maid hid it.”
“You think the maid hid your colander? You’re an idiot.”
“Well a woman had to have something to do with it.”
“Uh huh…. You sure you want to go down this path?”
“Well if she didn’t hide it and you didn’t hide it then where is it?”
“That’s right Calabrese, it’s a colander conspiracy, I live so you won’t be able to strain or drain anything.”
“Look I’m just trying to get ready for tomorrow. I’ve got everything properly placed to be ready for tomorrow. I’ve got the turkey, the ham, my carving knife, the potatoes and the potato pot, the green beans, the mushrooms, cranberry sauce, olives, the rolls, and the stuff for dressing. I’m ready. This year Thanksgiving dinner will be perfect.”
“Did you get the pies?”
“I…uh…crud.”
“Don’t tell me you forgot the pies.”
“Okay I won’t.”
“But you didn’t get them did you?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“You better go down to Bakers Square and get four pies. Two pumpkin and two apple.”
“Fine, I’ll go get the pies if you look for my colander.”
“I’m not cleaning this mess up Calabrese.”
“I’ll clean it up don’t worry. Just find the colander.”
“You better put these pots and pans back the “right” way. Not just thrown into the cupboards.”
“Hon… please….”
………………………………………..
“Yes I’d like to get two pumpkin and two apple pies.”
“Do you have a reservation.”
“No, you don’t understand. I don’t want to eat them here I want to take them with me.”
“Yes sir I know. If you haven’t reserved a pie you need to check in at the pie registration desk.”
“Pie… registration….where is that?”
“That line over there sir.”
“You’re kidding me I need to register for a pie?”
“It’s Thanksgiving sir. We sell a lot of pies.”
“Okay never mind. I’ll just have lunch then.”
……………………………………….
“Yes sir what can I get you?”
“I’d like sixteen pieces of pumpkin pie and sixteen pieces of apple pie please….to go.”
“Sir you didn’t reserve your pies did you?”
“No.”
“You need to check in at pie registration.”
“But what if I’m willing to pay the per slice price?”
“I don’t think we can do that sir.”
“I’ll give you a hundred bucks for four pies if I don’t have to stand in that line.”
“Sir I can’t do that.”
“Two hundred.”
“Do you want those pies pre sliced?”
……………………………………………..
“I’m back did you find my colander?”
“Sorry.”
“Did you even look for it?”
“Of course I did. I turned the house upside down. Can’t you see? Look, this is a bead of sweat right here. I got that looking for your colander.”
“Dang it I need that colander.”
“Let me see the pies.”
“What is this?”
“What?”
“Strawberry Rhubarb? You got four Strawberry Rhubard pies?????”
“No I didn’t I got….what the hell? They pulled a switch on me!”
“Give me the receipt! I’m going down there myself. I sent you on a simple task to get four pies and you come back with Strawberry Rhubarb?”
“Uh… I don’t have the receipt.”
“You just left there how could you have already lost the receipt?”
“It blew away.”
“Calabrese……”
“Okay look. I didn’t have a pie reservation so they sent me to the pie registration desk but the line was too long and I needed to get back to find the colander so I had lunch but for lunch I ordered thirty two slices of pie to go which they don’t normally do but I was willing to pay the per slice price but I had to pay under the table to get the pies since I didn’t have a reservation and the waitress snuck me four pies and I gave her the cash.”
“You made buying pies look like a drug deal? What are you the part of the moron pie cartel?”
“I needed the pies.”
“How much Calabrese? How much did these pies cost?”
“It wasn’t about the money it was the principle of the thing.”
“You paid a waitress under the table for four pies that you didn’t preorder so you wouldn’t have to wait in line.”
“Exactly.”
“And then she gave you four Strawberry Rhubarb pies.”
“That pretty much sums it up.”
“Did you remember to get the Cool Whip?”
.............................................................
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!
“What are you doing? There are pots and pans all over my kitchen floor!!!”
“I can’t find my colander.”
“There’s two of them right there.”
“I don’t like those; I need “my” colander.”
“Is it your lucky colander?”
“Don’t mock me woman. I need that colander for Thanksgiving.”
“It’s a colander Calabrese.”
“I think the maid hid it.”
“You think the maid hid your colander? You’re an idiot.”
“Well a woman had to have something to do with it.”
“Uh huh…. You sure you want to go down this path?”
“Well if she didn’t hide it and you didn’t hide it then where is it?”
“That’s right Calabrese, it’s a colander conspiracy, I live so you won’t be able to strain or drain anything.”
“Look I’m just trying to get ready for tomorrow. I’ve got everything properly placed to be ready for tomorrow. I’ve got the turkey, the ham, my carving knife, the potatoes and the potato pot, the green beans, the mushrooms, cranberry sauce, olives, the rolls, and the stuff for dressing. I’m ready. This year Thanksgiving dinner will be perfect.”
“Did you get the pies?”
“I…uh…crud.”
“Don’t tell me you forgot the pies.”
“Okay I won’t.”
“But you didn’t get them did you?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“You better go down to Bakers Square and get four pies. Two pumpkin and two apple.”
“Fine, I’ll go get the pies if you look for my colander.”
“I’m not cleaning this mess up Calabrese.”
“I’ll clean it up don’t worry. Just find the colander.”
“You better put these pots and pans back the “right” way. Not just thrown into the cupboards.”
“Hon… please….”
………………………………………..
“Yes I’d like to get two pumpkin and two apple pies.”
“Do you have a reservation.”
“No, you don’t understand. I don’t want to eat them here I want to take them with me.”
“Yes sir I know. If you haven’t reserved a pie you need to check in at the pie registration desk.”
“Pie… registration….where is that?”
“That line over there sir.”
“You’re kidding me I need to register for a pie?”
“It’s Thanksgiving sir. We sell a lot of pies.”
“Okay never mind. I’ll just have lunch then.”
……………………………………….
“Yes sir what can I get you?”
“I’d like sixteen pieces of pumpkin pie and sixteen pieces of apple pie please….to go.”
“Sir you didn’t reserve your pies did you?”
“No.”
“You need to check in at pie registration.”
“But what if I’m willing to pay the per slice price?”
“I don’t think we can do that sir.”
“I’ll give you a hundred bucks for four pies if I don’t have to stand in that line.”
“Sir I can’t do that.”
“Two hundred.”
“Do you want those pies pre sliced?”
……………………………………………..
“I’m back did you find my colander?”
“Sorry.”
“Did you even look for it?”
“Of course I did. I turned the house upside down. Can’t you see? Look, this is a bead of sweat right here. I got that looking for your colander.”
“Dang it I need that colander.”
“Let me see the pies.”
“What is this?”
“What?”
“Strawberry Rhubarb? You got four Strawberry Rhubard pies?????”
“No I didn’t I got….what the hell? They pulled a switch on me!”
“Give me the receipt! I’m going down there myself. I sent you on a simple task to get four pies and you come back with Strawberry Rhubarb?”
“Uh… I don’t have the receipt.”
“You just left there how could you have already lost the receipt?”
“It blew away.”
“Calabrese……”
“Okay look. I didn’t have a pie reservation so they sent me to the pie registration desk but the line was too long and I needed to get back to find the colander so I had lunch but for lunch I ordered thirty two slices of pie to go which they don’t normally do but I was willing to pay the per slice price but I had to pay under the table to get the pies since I didn’t have a reservation and the waitress snuck me four pies and I gave her the cash.”
“You made buying pies look like a drug deal? What are you the part of the moron pie cartel?”
“I needed the pies.”
“How much Calabrese? How much did these pies cost?”
“It wasn’t about the money it was the principle of the thing.”
“You paid a waitress under the table for four pies that you didn’t preorder so you wouldn’t have to wait in line.”
“Exactly.”
“And then she gave you four Strawberry Rhubarb pies.”
“That pretty much sums it up.”
“Did you remember to get the Cool Whip?”
.............................................................
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!
posted by Shrinking Wop at 5:09 PM
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