My wife is some kind spy or something...
“Uh… honey… why is there a miniature satellite dish in your dressing area?”
“What are you talking about Calabrese?”
“What is that? It looks like you’re trying to track incoming missiles.”
“It’s a diffuser.”
“What do you need a diffuser for? Is something about to go off?
“Something is about to go off all right.”
“What, I can’t ask a simple question?”
“Why are you bugging me? You know better than to bug me when I’m trying to get ready.
“I was just curious. A guy can’t show a little interest in his wife’s weaponry?”
“It attaches to the hair dryer numb nuts.”
“The hairdryer? Come on, seriously, what is that thing?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you.”
“Oh I get it. It’s a secret. You could tell me but then you’d have to kill me.”
“No, I’ll kill you because you’re annoying me.”
“What is all this crap? It looks like James Bond has moved in with us.”
“It helps keep my hair curly.”
“But your hair is naturally curly.”
“It doesn’t naturally curl the right way.”
“Uh... isn’t curly just curly? Plus I thought you wanted to wear your hair straight.”
“I did.”
“But now you want it curly?”
“Yes.”
“What happened to all the other weapons you had here? What happened to that stuff that makes your hair straight?”
“Listen up Calabrese. You are not going to talk about my hair on stage. You are not going to write about my hair in your blog. You are not going to mention my hair to anyone. Capiche Calabrese?”
“Are you part of some secret government agency?”
“Knock it off Calabrese.”
“You’re no fun today.”
“I am trying to finish curling my hair.”
“Is it because you know I love it when your hair is curly and you’re just trying to please me?”
“Yeah… that’s it. I figured I have way too much time in my life and I need to spend a little of it diffusing my hair to please you. I live to please you. I yearn to please you.”
“You’re being sarcastic now aren’t you?”
“Ya think?”
“I need to ask you a question.”
“Fine. What?”
“Can I get a Yo Yo?”
“What?”
“Can I get a Yo Yo?
“A Yo Yo…. Will it get you out of my hair?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.”
“Can I get….”
“Now what?”
“Can I get a new football?”
“You’re a grown man. If you want a football go get a football. You don’t have to ask me for stupid things. Now get the hell out of here and let me finish my hair.”
“Okay okay... I was just… you know… keeping you informed about decisions about money.”
“Calabrese move it!!!”
………………………………..
“Hey Motta, its Tone, guess what? It’s cool for me to get the new computer.”
“Dude, you mean she actually said go ahead and buy it? She’s going to let you buy a new computer just like that??? That’s amazing.”
“Not really. We’ve been married a long time and she realizes that I’m a grown man and that I’m quite capable of making these decisions. It’s all about communication my friend. Gotta keep those lines open. When a woman wants to talk you gotta be ready to listen.”
“I envy you.”
“I am a lucky man. Yes my friend a good marriage with open lines of communication is like a pair of comfortable shoes. Sure they get a little worn, but if you take good care of them they’ll get even more comfortable as they get older. A good pair of comfortable shoes can last a lifetime.”
“Comfortable shoes? YOU’RE COMPARING ME TO COMFORTABLE SHOES???”
“Apparently I should be comparing you to a Ninja. I gotta go Motta I’ll talk to you later.”
“Comfortable shoes?”
“I.... uh.... Motta started it.”
“Comforatble shoes?”
“Ferragamo’s?”
“I knew you were up to something.”
“I was just trying to be a grown man responsible enough to make decisions on my own and smart enough to not bug his wife when she’s getting ready.”
“You want a new computer?”
“No… I do not “want” a new computer. I “need” a new computer.”
“Fine go ahead, buy one, if you think you really need it.”
“Huh?”
“You heard me. Go ahead. Buy it.”
“Uh… you’re… scaring… me.”
“Why? Like you said you’re a grown man. You can make decisions. Go ahead.”
“Wait… You’re scaring and confusing me.”
“If you think you need a new computer then I’m all for it.”
“Well… I mean… Are you sure? I guess I don’t really need one. But if I did I could just go out and buy it? I… I… um… okay then.”
“Okay I’ll see you later. I love you and stay out of trouble.”
“Okay babe. Your hair looks good by the way.”
…………………………………………………
“Motta, it’s me Tone. She was totally okay with the whole computer thing. She realizes who the man of the house is.”
“So when are you getting it.”
“Um… I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll wait a couple of months to see what new stuff comes out. I’m not in any hurry. When I see what I really want I’ll just go buy it. I’ll talk to you later.”
………………………………………………………..
“And then the idiot compares me to comfortable shoes.”
“You’re not letting him get another new toy are you? Especially a computer.”
“Of course not. I just let him think it was okay. He’s so confused right now it will take him six months before he even brings it up again.”
“Men…”
“Husbands….”
…………………………………………………………
Okay so I’m imagining that last part but I’m not stupid. I know she tricked me. Maybe I will get a computer. That would show her. Yes, I’ll just go out and buy one. I have the right to buy a new computer if I want one.
Maybe I just don’t want one right now.
Crud……
“What are you talking about Calabrese?”
“What is that? It looks like you’re trying to track incoming missiles.”
“It’s a diffuser.”
“What do you need a diffuser for? Is something about to go off?
“Something is about to go off all right.”
“What, I can’t ask a simple question?”
“Why are you bugging me? You know better than to bug me when I’m trying to get ready.
“I was just curious. A guy can’t show a little interest in his wife’s weaponry?”
“It attaches to the hair dryer numb nuts.”
“The hairdryer? Come on, seriously, what is that thing?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you.”
“Oh I get it. It’s a secret. You could tell me but then you’d have to kill me.”
“No, I’ll kill you because you’re annoying me.”
“What is all this crap? It looks like James Bond has moved in with us.”
“It helps keep my hair curly.”
“But your hair is naturally curly.”
“It doesn’t naturally curl the right way.”
“Uh... isn’t curly just curly? Plus I thought you wanted to wear your hair straight.”
“I did.”
“But now you want it curly?”
“Yes.”
“What happened to all the other weapons you had here? What happened to that stuff that makes your hair straight?”
“Listen up Calabrese. You are not going to talk about my hair on stage. You are not going to write about my hair in your blog. You are not going to mention my hair to anyone. Capiche Calabrese?”
“Are you part of some secret government agency?”
“Knock it off Calabrese.”
“You’re no fun today.”
“I am trying to finish curling my hair.”
“Is it because you know I love it when your hair is curly and you’re just trying to please me?”
“Yeah… that’s it. I figured I have way too much time in my life and I need to spend a little of it diffusing my hair to please you. I live to please you. I yearn to please you.”
“You’re being sarcastic now aren’t you?”
“Ya think?”
“I need to ask you a question.”
“Fine. What?”
“Can I get a Yo Yo?”
“What?”
“Can I get a Yo Yo?
“A Yo Yo…. Will it get you out of my hair?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.”
“Can I get….”
“Now what?”
“Can I get a new football?”
“You’re a grown man. If you want a football go get a football. You don’t have to ask me for stupid things. Now get the hell out of here and let me finish my hair.”
“Okay okay... I was just… you know… keeping you informed about decisions about money.”
“Calabrese move it!!!”
………………………………..
“Hey Motta, its Tone, guess what? It’s cool for me to get the new computer.”
“Dude, you mean she actually said go ahead and buy it? She’s going to let you buy a new computer just like that??? That’s amazing.”
“Not really. We’ve been married a long time and she realizes that I’m a grown man and that I’m quite capable of making these decisions. It’s all about communication my friend. Gotta keep those lines open. When a woman wants to talk you gotta be ready to listen.”
“I envy you.”
“I am a lucky man. Yes my friend a good marriage with open lines of communication is like a pair of comfortable shoes. Sure they get a little worn, but if you take good care of them they’ll get even more comfortable as they get older. A good pair of comfortable shoes can last a lifetime.”
“Comfortable shoes? YOU’RE COMPARING ME TO COMFORTABLE SHOES???”
“Apparently I should be comparing you to a Ninja. I gotta go Motta I’ll talk to you later.”
“Comfortable shoes?”
“I.... uh.... Motta started it.”
“Comforatble shoes?”
“Ferragamo’s?”
“I knew you were up to something.”
“I was just trying to be a grown man responsible enough to make decisions on my own and smart enough to not bug his wife when she’s getting ready.”
“You want a new computer?”
“No… I do not “want” a new computer. I “need” a new computer.”
“Fine go ahead, buy one, if you think you really need it.”
“Huh?”
“You heard me. Go ahead. Buy it.”
“Uh… you’re… scaring… me.”
“Why? Like you said you’re a grown man. You can make decisions. Go ahead.”
“Wait… You’re scaring and confusing me.”
“If you think you need a new computer then I’m all for it.”
“Well… I mean… Are you sure? I guess I don’t really need one. But if I did I could just go out and buy it? I… I… um… okay then.”
“Okay I’ll see you later. I love you and stay out of trouble.”
“Okay babe. Your hair looks good by the way.”
…………………………………………………
“Motta, it’s me Tone. She was totally okay with the whole computer thing. She realizes who the man of the house is.”
“So when are you getting it.”
“Um… I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll wait a couple of months to see what new stuff comes out. I’m not in any hurry. When I see what I really want I’ll just go buy it. I’ll talk to you later.”
………………………………………………………..
“And then the idiot compares me to comfortable shoes.”
“You’re not letting him get another new toy are you? Especially a computer.”
“Of course not. I just let him think it was okay. He’s so confused right now it will take him six months before he even brings it up again.”
“Men…”
“Husbands….”
…………………………………………………………
Okay so I’m imagining that last part but I’m not stupid. I know she tricked me. Maybe I will get a computer. That would show her. Yes, I’ll just go out and buy one. I have the right to buy a new computer if I want one.
Maybe I just don’t want one right now.
Crud……
posted by Shrinking Wop at 5:36 PM
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