Sailing down the root canal.

I’m going to type two words that tend to make people nervous.

The dentist.

It’s always a little nerve wrecking going to the dentist. But my dentist and his dental assistants are always joking and laughing and seem to be having a great time.

This is supposed to put you at ease.

But there are certain things that you do not want to hear when the dentist and his assistant have they’re hands in your mouth.

“Doc, don’t use the front bathroom. The toilet doesn’t flush all the way. It’s pretty stopped up.”

(“DITH U MOSH RO HUNDS?”)

“Did you try the plunger?”

(“EDUSE MA. DITH U MOSH RO HUNDS?”)

“I plunged it for like an hour.”

(“MOSH!!! MOSH!!! DITH U MOSH UR HUNDS???)

“I don’t know who the hell plugged it up it was probably Michele.”

(“WAVOSSSS SUTH MANOTHS!!!!”)

“Which Michele?”

(“GET HUR HUNDS UT ME MOTH!”)

“Big Michele.”

(“PTUUUUU! PTUUUU! SKOP! SKOP!”)

“Whoa no wonder it’s plugged. What did I say about this tooth? Did I need a 22 or did I say 24?”

(“PRRRREEEEETHE SKOP!!!”)

“24, I think she had tuna for lunch.”

("AH SHANG MA MAND!!! MA TOOD ID FIND!!! MA TOOD ID FIND!!!!”)

“Hmmm... Tuna... Gross, I’m not going to use alloy I’m sure he doesn’t want shiny metal showing. You don’t want alloy do you Tony?”

(“AHHHH… WON…. U…. TA….. SKOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!!!!”)

“I don’t know why she can’t have a little fiber in her diet. Maybe it would help her keep her weight down.”

(“FWEEEEDUM!!!!”)

“At least have the chicken breast.”

(“UD PREOPUL R NUT WIRTENING DUH ME!!!!”)

“Did I tell you I got stung by a jellyfish on my hand on Saturday?”

(“CWUD!”)

“I here those are really painful.”

(“AM ED PAN! AM EDDDDD PAAAAAANNNN!!!”)

“I peed on it and that helped.”

(“AHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!”)

“Put the light right there.”

(“RIGHD? RIGHD? WA DED YAH NED DA RIGHD FOR?”)

“That should do it. Don’t try to talk for a few hours you might bite your tongue.”

(“CUN A UDE DA WESTWOOM?”)

“Sure but if I were you I’d use the one in back.”

("DU U HUV A MACH?")

"A match? Why would you want a match?"

("AH JUS NED DA SET MY MOUD ON FIWER” )

"Huh?"

("TO DIDENFLECK IT!!!")

"What?"

"(DIDNENFLECK!!! DIDENFLECK!!!)

"I thought you just gave him the gas."

"(DIDENFLECK!!! DIDENFLECK!!!)

"Nope just numbed him real good."

("NAT GUUD ENOD.")

"He seems a little tense. You... seem... a... little... tense...."

("AHHHM NUT DIF U PAAATZ!!!")

"Did you want some Vicodin or Percocet?"

("DEFUNEDLY!!!! DEFUNEDLY!!!!")

"Which one?"

("BOWFF!!!")

"How about a free toothbrush?"

("U CUN TAK DAT UN SHUB ET OOP R ASH!!!")

"Okay have a nice day."

"Boy Doc, he sure seemed upset today."

"Probably not enough fiber in his diet."