He's my son... Oh he's definitely my son...
“Yello…”
“Dad? It’s me A.J.”
“Whassup son?”
“Um… I have a problem.”
“Hey, I’m here for you son.”
“Okay it started with this lizard.”
“What lizard?”
“The one in the kitchen.”
“You have a lizard in your kitchen?”
“It wasn’t my lizard, he was just in my kitchen, and I think he was an alligator lizard.”
“An alligator? You had an alligator in the kitchen?”
“An alligator lizard, it’s a type of lizard dad.”
“I know what an alligator looks like A.J.”
“Dad, just listen okay.”
“Fine.”
“So I go to get the broom to whack the lizard but I miss and he runs under the refrigerator.”
“So you have an alligator under your refrigerator? Don’t tell your mother.”
“Just wait, that isn’t the problem. I was trying to think how I could flush him out from under the fridge and I… well… I got the leaf blower…”
“The… leaf… blower…?”
“I figured it would blow him out from underneath the fridge.”
“You fired up a leaf blower in your kitchen? Not the best idea son.”
“I know that now.”
“So did it work?”
“Well sort of... All sorts of stuff shot out from underneath and behind the fridge. There was dust and crap flying everywhere. I thought I saw the lizard fly out at me, so I ducked swung around and knocked the vase off the kitchen table with the leaf blower. The vase shattered and glass was blowing around everywhere.”
“I’m not laughing I have something caught in my throat. Did you get the lizard?”
“It wasn’t the lizard it ended up being one of Alex’s socks. Do you have any idea how much crap ends up behind a refrigerator?”
“I know son. Black holes actually originate from behind refrigerators. I think I saw that on the Discovery Channel.”
“So now Melina thinks I’m an idiot.”
“Um..."
“So there’s glass and dust and stuff all over the kitchen. So I figure I’ve already got the leaf blower so I’ll just blow everything out the door onto the patio and then I’ll just sweep up.”
“You blew broken glass out of your kitchen with a leaf blower? That’s something I never thought I’d hear myself say.”
“Well I started to and then I spotted the lizard. He was on the stove. I must have blown him up on to the counter.”
“Please tell me you didn’t try to burn him out.”
“No dad I got a shovel and a shoe box. I must have stunned him with the leaf blower because all I had to do was flick him into the shoe box.”
“So what’s the problem? You let him go outside correct?”
“Yes, I took him to a corner of the yard and let him go.”
“So?”
“So I spend the next two hours cleaning every pot and pan and plate and glass and all the appliances and counters in my kitchen.”
“I still don’t get it son what’s the problem?”
“Well, Melina couldn’t make dinner because when I finished it was too late. So we went to Pollo Loco for dinner.”
“And the point would be??? “
“Just wait dad. So we get back home and I go into the kitchen and the lizard is back. HE’S BACK!!! WHAT DO I DO NOW???”
“Um... Do you have a weed whacker?”
“Dad? It’s me A.J.”
“Whassup son?”
“Um… I have a problem.”
“Hey, I’m here for you son.”
“Okay it started with this lizard.”
“What lizard?”
“The one in the kitchen.”
“You have a lizard in your kitchen?”
“It wasn’t my lizard, he was just in my kitchen, and I think he was an alligator lizard.”
“An alligator? You had an alligator in the kitchen?”
“An alligator lizard, it’s a type of lizard dad.”
“I know what an alligator looks like A.J.”
“Dad, just listen okay.”
“Fine.”
“So I go to get the broom to whack the lizard but I miss and he runs under the refrigerator.”
“So you have an alligator under your refrigerator? Don’t tell your mother.”
“Just wait, that isn’t the problem. I was trying to think how I could flush him out from under the fridge and I… well… I got the leaf blower…”
“The… leaf… blower…?”
“I figured it would blow him out from underneath the fridge.”
“You fired up a leaf blower in your kitchen? Not the best idea son.”
“I know that now.”
“So did it work?”
“Well sort of... All sorts of stuff shot out from underneath and behind the fridge. There was dust and crap flying everywhere. I thought I saw the lizard fly out at me, so I ducked swung around and knocked the vase off the kitchen table with the leaf blower. The vase shattered and glass was blowing around everywhere.”
“I’m not laughing I have something caught in my throat. Did you get the lizard?”
“It wasn’t the lizard it ended up being one of Alex’s socks. Do you have any idea how much crap ends up behind a refrigerator?”
“I know son. Black holes actually originate from behind refrigerators. I think I saw that on the Discovery Channel.”
“So now Melina thinks I’m an idiot.”
“Um..."
“So there’s glass and dust and stuff all over the kitchen. So I figure I’ve already got the leaf blower so I’ll just blow everything out the door onto the patio and then I’ll just sweep up.”
“You blew broken glass out of your kitchen with a leaf blower? That’s something I never thought I’d hear myself say.”
“Well I started to and then I spotted the lizard. He was on the stove. I must have blown him up on to the counter.”
“Please tell me you didn’t try to burn him out.”
“No dad I got a shovel and a shoe box. I must have stunned him with the leaf blower because all I had to do was flick him into the shoe box.”
“So what’s the problem? You let him go outside correct?”
“Yes, I took him to a corner of the yard and let him go.”
“So?”
“So I spend the next two hours cleaning every pot and pan and plate and glass and all the appliances and counters in my kitchen.”
“I still don’t get it son what’s the problem?”
“Well, Melina couldn’t make dinner because when I finished it was too late. So we went to Pollo Loco for dinner.”
“And the point would be??? “
“Just wait dad. So we get back home and I go into the kitchen and the lizard is back. HE’S BACK!!! WHAT DO I DO NOW???”
“Um... Do you have a weed whacker?”
posted by Shrinking Wop at 6:42 PM
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