Birds of a Feather
I once believed in only two self evident truths to live a happy life.
1. Never get behind a minivan in a fast food drive thru.
2. It is impossible to open a CD or DVD case without a blow torch and a jack hammer.
I now know there is a third.
I believe it was Gandhi or possibly Poncho Villa that once said that, “Every time a condor on a high fiber diet poops on a newly detailed Cadillac an angel gets his wings.”
SON OF A BITCH!!!!
It looks like a flock of seagulls, no not the birds, THE BAND, pooped on my car, FIVE MINUTES AFTER I HAD IT DETAILED!!!!
SON OF A BITCH!!!
COMMUNIST BASTARD BIRDS!!!
This could not be a random pooping.
This was a planned fly by.
This was a pooping vendetta.
No group of birds could nail a car like that out in the open, in broad daylight, five minutes after it’s been detailed.
Someone planned this.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’ve been attacked.”
“What?”
“I’ve been strafed.”
“You’ve been strafed?”
“Yes they attacked my car. If I had been there I could have been hit.”
“What are you talking about?”
“They pooped on my car.”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
“It’s not funny.”
“Oh trust me its funny.”
“What if a condor pooped on your car? You wouldn’t be able to even find that little sports car of yours.”
“A condor pooped on your car?”
“Several condors, right after I had it detailed. The zoo probably did it. They probably released some condors into wild today and those birds had been holding it in waiting to poop on a Cadillac. It’s the emblem.”
“Just get the car rewashed.”
“Not washed, detailed, and I have to wait until tomorrow. Meanwhile I have to drive around with a car that’s been violated. You cannot be cool driving around in a pooped on Cadillac.”
“You’re a forty eight year old married grandpa. You’re not supposed to be cool.”
“I could be cool. I could. If my car wasn’t pooped on I could be cool.”
“You have a blog. You’re a closet nerd. Nerds drive around with pooped on cars all of the time.”
“I’M ITALIAN!!! IT’S A CADILLAC!!!! ITALIANS DON’T DRIVE AROUND WITH POOP ON THEIR CARS.”
“Then hose off the poop.”
“Hose off the poop? HOSE OFF THE POOP??? You don’t just hose the poop off a Cadillac.”
“Then leave the poop on you car.”
“I’ll bet you had something to do with this. You probably put some weird Portuguese curse on my car, the curse of the pooping condors.”
“You don’t want to go to the grocery store do you?”
“Uh... Well..”
“That’s what this is all about isn’t it?”
“Can’t I just go tomorrow?”
“Fine, now where are you going?’
“To hose the poop off of my car.”
1. Never get behind a minivan in a fast food drive thru.
2. It is impossible to open a CD or DVD case without a blow torch and a jack hammer.
I now know there is a third.
I believe it was Gandhi or possibly Poncho Villa that once said that, “Every time a condor on a high fiber diet poops on a newly detailed Cadillac an angel gets his wings.”
SON OF A BITCH!!!!
It looks like a flock of seagulls, no not the birds, THE BAND, pooped on my car, FIVE MINUTES AFTER I HAD IT DETAILED!!!!
SON OF A BITCH!!!
COMMUNIST BASTARD BIRDS!!!
This could not be a random pooping.
This was a planned fly by.
This was a pooping vendetta.
No group of birds could nail a car like that out in the open, in broad daylight, five minutes after it’s been detailed.
Someone planned this.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’ve been attacked.”
“What?”
“I’ve been strafed.”
“You’ve been strafed?”
“Yes they attacked my car. If I had been there I could have been hit.”
“What are you talking about?”
“They pooped on my car.”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
“It’s not funny.”
“Oh trust me its funny.”
“What if a condor pooped on your car? You wouldn’t be able to even find that little sports car of yours.”
“A condor pooped on your car?”
“Several condors, right after I had it detailed. The zoo probably did it. They probably released some condors into wild today and those birds had been holding it in waiting to poop on a Cadillac. It’s the emblem.”
“Just get the car rewashed.”
“Not washed, detailed, and I have to wait until tomorrow. Meanwhile I have to drive around with a car that’s been violated. You cannot be cool driving around in a pooped on Cadillac.”
“You’re a forty eight year old married grandpa. You’re not supposed to be cool.”
“I could be cool. I could. If my car wasn’t pooped on I could be cool.”
“You have a blog. You’re a closet nerd. Nerds drive around with pooped on cars all of the time.”
“I’M ITALIAN!!! IT’S A CADILLAC!!!! ITALIANS DON’T DRIVE AROUND WITH POOP ON THEIR CARS.”
“Then hose off the poop.”
“Hose off the poop? HOSE OFF THE POOP??? You don’t just hose the poop off a Cadillac.”
“Then leave the poop on you car.”
“I’ll bet you had something to do with this. You probably put some weird Portuguese curse on my car, the curse of the pooping condors.”
“You don’t want to go to the grocery store do you?”
“Uh... Well..”
“That’s what this is all about isn’t it?”
“Can’t I just go tomorrow?”
“Fine, now where are you going?’
“To hose the poop off of my car.”
posted by Shrinking Wop at 11:04 PM
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