Friday, March 24, 2006

They call me El Lobo...

“Hey dad we’re back home and Kim’s okay.”

“So what happened?”

“The doctor says she has an irritable uterus.”

“Yeah, well, from my experience they’re pretty much all irritable. I thought her uterus was incompetent.”

“It’s still incompetent but now it’s irritable. She has an “incompetent irritable” uterus.”

“Son you haven’t been married long enough for her uterus to get irritable. I think it took about five years for me to piss off your mom’s. Your mother’s was more of an “angry” uterus. I think you’re okay until it’s an “incompetent angry” uterus. Your mother had one of those for a while.”

“What do you mean she “had” an angry uterus?”

“Well your mom had a hysterectomy. I think her uterus was upside down or something. That’s when they really get angry, when you flip them upside down.”

“How??? What??? Upside down???”

“Hey, I’m no doctor.”

“So when did mom get back from New York?

“Last night.”

“Did she have fun?”

“I don’t know I haven’t got the Visa statement yet.”

“So dad what was is like to be a bachelor again for a few days?”

“I was a free man baby… Oh yeah… A loner… A wolf… El Lobo….”

“El Lobo? El Lobo? What did you do?”

“I did what any 48 year old man would do with his wife out of town…. I cleaned out the garage and then I got the flu.”

“That’s pathetic dad.”

“You know what else is pathetic? When I get up from the couch this sound comes out of my body.”

“What kind of sound?”

“It kind of sounds like, “uggggghhhhhhaaaa”, the sound isn’t coming out of an orifice; it’s actually coming out of my body.”

“Come on dad?”

“Seriously! I tested it. I sat back down. I got up again… same sound. I tried it four times…same sound. Then I took a nap. Sounds are coming out of my body. Your grandfather made those sounds, and then he died.”

“Not on the same day dad.”

“Well no, not the same day, but eventually. Now whenever your mother is around I won’t get up from the couch. I don’t want her to hear those sounds and get hopeful.”

“It sounds like an excuse to not have to do stuff that mom wants you to do.”

“Ahhh grasshopper…. another lesson learned.”