Friday, February 17, 2006

The lunatic is in my head......

I’m hearing voices in my head.

“You’re gonna die anyway.”

“Don’t listen to him, yes we’re all going to die, but do you want to be buried in a casket from COSTCO?”

“Pussy, just eat it. You’re an adult, you pay taxes, and you deserve it.”

“Deserve it? You deserve to have a heart attack? Eat your carrots.”

“Carrots? Look at yourself, are you a rabbit? No, you’re a man, you have teeth that were made to eat… meat… and… and… pizza.”

“If you’re going to do this don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Oh now you’re trying guilt? You’re as big a pussy as he is.”

“Don’t push me, I mean it.”

“You mean what? I’m not afraid of you, bring it on pussy boy.”

“WHAT? YOU TALKING TO ME? I know you’re not talking to me.”

“I must be talkin to you cause I don’t see another loser in front of me.”

“THAT’S IT!!!!”


“What the hell are you doing?”


“Why are you looking at my dinner that way?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are and why are you moving your head up and down and back and forth?”

“Uh… I have a spasm.”

“You’re an idiot, eat your vegetables.”

“Maybe I don’t want vegetables?”

“Fine, maybe you want to weigh 300 pounds again.”

“I’m not afraid of you.”

“Oh yes you are.”

“Okay that’s true, but only because you have a sword and eventually I have to sleep.”

“What the hell is wrong with you tonight?”

“I want pizza.”

“Get over it.”

“Get over it? That’s your big diet tip? Get over it?”

“Visualize pizza on your plate and then eat it.”

“You want me to eat broccoli and pretend its pizza… broccoli… Last time I checked you couldn’t get a slice of broccoli.”

“Yeah, well you eat pizza and you won’t be able to get into those pants.”

“Those aren’t my pants, those are your…. Crud… Pass the carrots.”


“Okay, break it up you two.”

“He started it.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”



“Enough, both of you get back into his head and act like responsible consciences, I’m in charge now.”

“Ooooh, Mr. Sex Drive thinks he can take over.”

“I guess we better behave for the next five minutes.”

“Do you two want to sleep on the colon?”

“Fine, we get it, we’re outta here.”

“But we’ll be BACK!!!”

“I hate sleeping on the colon.”

“Me too, especially after you make him eat that broccoli.”

“Better than that fettuccini you want him to eat.”

“True… True…”