Sunday, January 22, 2006

"I can feel it coming in the air tonight........."

“What’s so funny little buddy?”

“I farted.”

“Well thanks for sharing.”



“I like to fart.”

“Me too pal, it’s a guy thing.”

“It makes me laugh.”

“It makes me laugh too.”



“Sometimes I think I’m going to fart but then I don’t.”

“Well you can’t fart all the time, then it wouldn’t be special.”

“I poop.”

“Uh…. You didn’t poop right now did you? Gramma! We may need you!”

“Does gramma like to fart?”

(Why? Why do I already know that I’m going to say something that is going to get me into trouble? Why? I swear I can’t help myself.)

“No, gramma doesn’t know how.”


“A good fart is kind of like a secret handshake. Not everyone knows how to do it.”

“I don’t think my mom knows how to fart either.”

(Ahhh… My little grasshopper is learning already.)

“Most women don’t.”

“My dad farts a lot.”

“Your dad is a professional.”

“Sometimes when he farts he says the wild geese come.”

“Yes, well, nature loves a good fart.”

“I’ve never seen them.”

“They’re probably pretty high up there.”

“My mom gets mad.”

“Well that happens to women. They hold in their farts and it makes them meaner.”



“Where do farts come from?”

“Uh… Heaven.”

“Do angels fart?”

“Sure, that’s where thunder comes from.”

“How do you know?”

“I saw it on the Discovery Channel.”

“Jeffrey’s dog farts but you can’t hear it, it sneaks up on you. It’s gross.”

“Dog farts killed off the dinosaurs.”

(That’s one theory…)

“Did you call me? What are you two doing?”

“Hi gramma, did you see the angels farting on the dinosaurs on TV?”


“Don’t get mad babe I’m teaching him about methane gas and global warming. Children need to learn about this. Did you know it wiped out the dinosaurs?”

“Poppa did dinosaurs fart?”

“Uh… only the males.”

“Oh my god what are you teaching this boy? Are you out of your mind? What if he goes back to preschool and talks like this? I swear I can’t leave you with him for five minutes. You’re a forty eight year old child. Do you practice setting a bad example or is it just a gift? If you were in preschool you’d be on a constant time out.”

“Gramma needs to fart.”

“Sure seems that way.”

“Its okay gramma, just fart, you won’t be mad then.”

(There it is… She wants to laugh…I’m off the hook.)

“YOU…YOU… HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Give Gramma a hug.”

“What about me?”

“I’ll deal with you later numbnuts.”

(Later that evening…….)

“Dad, hey, it’s AJ.”

“What’s this secret handshake Alex says you taught him?”