Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Who are those people in that Christmas Card we got?

I think it was Margaret Thatcher or possibly Gandhi that said,” I have not yet begun to shop.” and so the tradition of the day after Christmas sale was born.

Men…..RUN AWAY!!!

This is a scary event.

Women are preparing.

I know this because the Aikido, boxing and kickboxing classes at the gym are now filled with aggressive females ready to kick some shopping ass.

Normally at the gym you hear, “HIIIYAAAA” or “KEEEEYAAA” now you hear things like, “I SAW IT FIRST BITCH!”

Don’t tell me a woman can’t be president of the United States.

If there’s a sale they’ll invade anything.

And I went to the post office to drop some mail at the drive up mailboxes.

There are eight, count them, EIGHT mailboxes to choose from.

There’s a lady two cars in front of me that’s playing Let’s Make a Deal with the mailboxes trying to figure out which one to put her Christmas cards in. Why? So they’ll make it on time?

Does it really matter?

Couldn’t the Post Office just throw all the Christmas Cards in a pile and give each of us a few?

That way everyone gets some Christmas cheer.

They all say the same thing don’t they?

What about those cards with family photos of people who don’t look like that the rest of the year?

“Um… this card is from Bob and Sue but I have no idea who those children are.”

“They must have used Photoshop because those kids look cute.”

“They are cute but why do they look Asian?”

Have you ever wondered if any of the Christmas cards you’ve received were sent to you by mistake and since you don’t know who the people are you send them back a Christmas card in return so you don’t offend them?

I know I have.

“Who are the Swaborski’s?”

“I have no clue.”

“Well send them a picture of the kids we’ve got to get rid of these things.”

I’ll bet everyone one of us has at least one of those.

Without question the dumbest thing is the Christmas letter. What are these people thinking? I swear most of these letters are just made up.

“Well it took six years but Little Joe finally graduated from high school. Uncle Bob had testicular cancer but they got it in time. He leans to the left when he walks but eventually he’ll get a fake testicle to balance him out. Aunt Mary had the hives twice and the gout once. She says she’s having a reaction to Uncle Bob. Jeannie and the twins are doing okay since Frank’s arrest. He should be out by next year. She’s got a job at Wal-Mart now making big money and may buy a new doublewide. Sheila’s got a fancy job as a hostess at International House of Pancakes. Can you believe it? She says she thinks she met three foreigners. She could tell by their order….”

Fifty bucks says everyone that writes a Christmas letter has a blog.


Maybe I should write a Christmas letter…….

I know one thing one of my New Years resolutions is to find out who all the people are that sent us Christmas cards this year.

Especially those Asian kids.