Well did you look for them??????
Rrrrring! Rrrrrrring!
“Yelllooo.”
“Dad, it’s me A.J. I can’t find my pants.”
“What?”
“My pants, my pants, I can’t find my pants.”
“Are you in Tijuana again?”
“Huh? No, I can’t find my lucky pants.”
“Why are you calling me?”
“Are my pants there?”
“Why would your pants be here?”
“Well they have to be somewhere.”
“When did you last see them?”
“I don’t remember but I know exactly where I put them and now they’re gone.”
“Did they have any distinguishing marks or features?”
“Dad they’re my lucky pants, you know the ones.”
“Son I hate to break this to you but I don’t actually pay attention to what your pants look like.”
(Beep)
“Hold on A.J. the other line is beeping.”
“Yellooo.”
“Dad, It’s me Anthony. Kim threw out the Raisin Bran.”
“Hold on I’m helping A.J. find his pants.”
“His pants? What happened to his pants? He’s not in Tijuana is he?”
“Just hold on.”
(Click)
“A.J. just go buy another pair of pants”
“But those were my lucky pants.”
“Hold on, I’m talking to your brother on the other line, Kim threw out the Raisin Bran.”
“My pants are more important than his Raisin Bran!!!”
(click)
“Son just go buy more Raisin Bran.”
“But dad, she keeps throwing my food out and bringing this weird crap into house. Dad she bought “hemp” brownie mix. Who the hell eats hemp?”
“Are you talking about today or in 1971?”
“Dad I swear I am looking at a bag of “Healthy Happy Hemp Brownie Mix” everything we have to eat has all this Alpha and Omega fatty acid crap in it. Homeless people wouldn’t eat this stuff.”
“Relax son let me finish with A.J. and his pants problem.”
(click)
“A.J.?”
“Hi Poppa daddy lost his pants.”
"Hi Alex where is your daddy now?”
“He’s looking under the newspaper. Poppa?”
“Yes Alex.”
“I can’t find my Spiderman. I think a burglar stole my Spiderman and daddy’s pants.”
“Well do you remember the last place you put Spiderman?”
“Yes I put him right over there. Here comes dad.”
”DAD I SWEAR TO GOD SOMEONE STOLE MY PANTS!!!”
“It was a burglar son he took Spiderman too.”
“Who are you talking to?”
“Oh… hi… honey… The boys and Alex are on the phone. A.J. lost his pants Anthony lost his Raisin Bran and Alex lost his Spiderman, we think it was a burglar.”
“Idiot, give me the phone.”
“A.J.?”
“Mom I can’t find my lucky pants.”
“You didn’t go to Tijuana again did you?”
“No mom.”
“Then Melina took your pants to the dry cleaners. They’re probably on a hanger in your closet. Go check and let me talk to my grandson.”
“Hi gramma.”
“Hi sweetheart, don’t worry honey a burglar didn’t take your Spiderman, you know sweetheart if you picked up your toys you wouldn’t lose them. Go look in your toy box I’ll bet Spiderman is in there.”
“Mom? I found my pants. I think Melina hid them from me.”
“Uh huh, you think your wife hid your pants?”
“He’s learning.”
“You shut up.”
“I get it mom. Oh and Alex found Spiderman.”
“Okay son I love you and tell Alex gramma loves him too goodbye.”
(click)
“Anthony?”
“Hi mom Kim threw out my Raisin Bran and there’s nothing in the house to eat and everything that’s here is disgusting and tastes like dirt.”
“Look in the cabinet next to the sink.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
“Whoa! There are three boxes of Raisin Bran in here. Who put these in here?”
“Goodbye son, I love you.”
“Love you to mom.”
“What? What’s with that look? How was I supposed to know were all that stuff was?”
“Maybe if you put your own things away you’d have a clue.”
“How am I supposed to know where “away” is? You’re always putting things away. Away where? Maybe your away is different than my away.”
“Are you done?”
“Maybe.”
“Uh huh….”
“Honey…..”
“Yes.”
“I can’t find my keys.”
“Yelllooo.”
“Dad, it’s me A.J. I can’t find my pants.”
“What?”
“My pants, my pants, I can’t find my pants.”
“Are you in Tijuana again?”
“Huh? No, I can’t find my lucky pants.”
“Why are you calling me?”
“Are my pants there?”
“Why would your pants be here?”
“Well they have to be somewhere.”
“When did you last see them?”
“I don’t remember but I know exactly where I put them and now they’re gone.”
“Did they have any distinguishing marks or features?”
“Dad they’re my lucky pants, you know the ones.”
“Son I hate to break this to you but I don’t actually pay attention to what your pants look like.”
(Beep)
“Hold on A.J. the other line is beeping.”
“Yellooo.”
“Dad, It’s me Anthony. Kim threw out the Raisin Bran.”
“Hold on I’m helping A.J. find his pants.”
“His pants? What happened to his pants? He’s not in Tijuana is he?”
“Just hold on.”
(Click)
“A.J. just go buy another pair of pants”
“But those were my lucky pants.”
“Hold on, I’m talking to your brother on the other line, Kim threw out the Raisin Bran.”
“My pants are more important than his Raisin Bran!!!”
(click)
“Son just go buy more Raisin Bran.”
“But dad, she keeps throwing my food out and bringing this weird crap into house. Dad she bought “hemp” brownie mix. Who the hell eats hemp?”
“Are you talking about today or in 1971?”
“Dad I swear I am looking at a bag of “Healthy Happy Hemp Brownie Mix” everything we have to eat has all this Alpha and Omega fatty acid crap in it. Homeless people wouldn’t eat this stuff.”
“Relax son let me finish with A.J. and his pants problem.”
(click)
“A.J.?”
“Hi Poppa daddy lost his pants.”
"Hi Alex where is your daddy now?”
“He’s looking under the newspaper. Poppa?”
“Yes Alex.”
“I can’t find my Spiderman. I think a burglar stole my Spiderman and daddy’s pants.”
“Well do you remember the last place you put Spiderman?”
“Yes I put him right over there. Here comes dad.”
”DAD I SWEAR TO GOD SOMEONE STOLE MY PANTS!!!”
“It was a burglar son he took Spiderman too.”
“Who are you talking to?”
“Oh… hi… honey… The boys and Alex are on the phone. A.J. lost his pants Anthony lost his Raisin Bran and Alex lost his Spiderman, we think it was a burglar.”
“Idiot, give me the phone.”
“A.J.?”
“Mom I can’t find my lucky pants.”
“You didn’t go to Tijuana again did you?”
“No mom.”
“Then Melina took your pants to the dry cleaners. They’re probably on a hanger in your closet. Go check and let me talk to my grandson.”
“Hi gramma.”
“Hi sweetheart, don’t worry honey a burglar didn’t take your Spiderman, you know sweetheart if you picked up your toys you wouldn’t lose them. Go look in your toy box I’ll bet Spiderman is in there.”
“Mom? I found my pants. I think Melina hid them from me.”
“Uh huh, you think your wife hid your pants?”
“He’s learning.”
“You shut up.”
“I get it mom. Oh and Alex found Spiderman.”
“Okay son I love you and tell Alex gramma loves him too goodbye.”
(click)
“Anthony?”
“Hi mom Kim threw out my Raisin Bran and there’s nothing in the house to eat and everything that’s here is disgusting and tastes like dirt.”
“Look in the cabinet next to the sink.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
“Whoa! There are three boxes of Raisin Bran in here. Who put these in here?”
“Goodbye son, I love you.”
“Love you to mom.”
“What? What’s with that look? How was I supposed to know were all that stuff was?”
“Maybe if you put your own things away you’d have a clue.”
“How am I supposed to know where “away” is? You’re always putting things away. Away where? Maybe your away is different than my away.”
“Are you done?”
“Maybe.”
“Uh huh….”
“Honey…..”
“Yes.”
“I can’t find my keys.”
posted by Shrinking Wop at 12:12 PM
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