Tuesday, November 01, 2005

To Box or Not to Box? That is the Question.

I saw a homeless guy pushing three shopping carts tied together this morning. At first I was angry because I thought to myself, “What? Even homeless people need SUV’s?”

Then I saw that one cart was full of aluminum cans, one cart was full of his personal belongings and one cart was full of boxes.

This was a very organized homeless guy, probably used to work in accounting for Enron or something.

Maybe he was an ex San Diego City councilman.

So I felt bad for being angry.

Then I thought, what the hell, it’s November and it’s 80 degrees out. If you’re going to be homeless San Diego’s kind of a nice place to be.

So I got over feeling bad about being angry.

Then I got dismayed.


Yes, dismayed.

Why? Because November 1st signals the start of gift box collection month in my house.

My wife saves every box she comes across from now until Christmas because apparently there is a box shortage in this country this time of the year.

“What are you doing with that shoe box?”

“Um…Throwing it out?”

“What? You know I need gift boxes. That’s the perfect size box, give it to me.”

“Are we giving someone shoes for Christmas?”

“Don’t be an idiot. I have no idea what I’m getting people for Christmas but this box is the perfect size.”

“Uh… okay.”

“Don’t do it. Don’t be a smartass.”

“I’m not. I just don’t get this whole box saving thing. We’ve got hundreds of boxes stashed all over this house. We don’t give that many people gifts that don’t already come in a box anyway. You can ask for a gift box at stores when you buy clothes. I just don’t get it.”

“Exactly, that’s my point. You just don’t get it.”

“I don’t even know what we’re talking about.”

“I need these boxes because you never know when you’re going to need a box.”

“I never “need” a box.”

“Are you trying to tell me you’ve never needed a box?”

“That is correct.”

“So your baseball cards are not being kept in an old “shoe box?”

“Yes, but I didn’t “need” the box. I could’ve kept them in a sack.”

“A sack of baseball cards?”

“Double bagged.”

“So you think I should “double bag” Christmas gifts smartass?”

“You can double bag mine. I’d like a new watch.”

“Knock it off. Just don’t throw out any boxes. Do you understand?”

“Yes. I understand. I understand that there are thousands, no millions of Americans that will go boxless this year because of people like us. We’re nothing but box hoarders. You should be ashamed.”

“You think that’s funny?”

“No it just slipped out. I thought I was saying it in my head.”

“Don’t push it wop.”

“Yes dear... Um… Do I still get a new watch?”