"You make me feel like a natural moron...."

I was taking a long hot shower this morning when out of my mouth came the following:

"R. E. S. P. E. C. T. FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO... Lawrence... Lawrence of Arabia... He was an English guy... He came to fight the Turkish... because someone left the cake out ina goddaveeda baby don't you know that you make me FEEEEL... you make me FEEEEL... You make me FEEEEEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOOOMAN..."

Huh?

Oh God.

I think I found my feminine side.

It's bad enough that I don't know the correct lyrics to a single song, so I make them up as I go along, but I have to sing out loud in the shower about feeling like a natural woman?

I was naked in the shower singing about feeling like a natural woman?

In the shower.

Naked.

Singing.

About feeling "like" a natural woman.

Not "feeling" a natural woman.

WHAT THE HELL?????

At least no one was home to hear me.

Wait...

Is that the vacuum cleaner?

No one was home to hear me except...the MAID!!!

JEEEEZZZ!!!!!

I forgot it was Wednesday.

At least she doesn't speak English.

I dry off, get dressed and go downstairs.

"Meester Tony you have a good voice. I love Aretha Franklin. I need a new toilet brush."

I don't have a shred of dignity left.

I can't even be cool in front of my maid.

My maid, who I had no idea speaks English.

What's the world coming to when you hire an illegal alien that speaks English?

I give up.

"SOOOOMOOOOONE LEFT A CAKE OUT IN THE RAAAAAIN...AND I DON'T THINK THAT I CAN TAAAAKE IT...CAUSE IT TOO LONG TO BAAAAAKE IT...AND I'LL NEVER FIND THAT RECIPE AGAIN..OH LAAAAAWRENCE...LAAAAAWRENCE OF ARABIA...HE WAS AN ENGLISH GUY...HE CAME TO... BOOM SHAKALAKA LAKA BOOM... I WANNA TAKE YOU HIIIIGHER... BABEEEE BABBEEEEEE BABBBEEEEE LIGHT MY FIIIRE... CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOOOOOMAN!!!!"


NOTE: (For those of you that have never heard the Lawrence of Arabia song go out and buy or rent "Hollywood Knights". Women will hate it, men will think it's one of the top ten funniest movies of all time.)