Saturday, October 15, 2005

THIS MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!!! I on the other hand am a dead man.

I received the following e-mail from my wife. I just cut and pasted it word for word. I realize that I have taken my life, and probably my sex life, into my own hands (no pun intended) by doing this, but right now I feel the need to share.

Here it is unedited.

I'm pretty sure I have a bad case of PMS today. Absolutely "everything" is bugging me! This morning I thought I was jittery from too much coffee. Earlier this afternoon I blamed it on my lunch (NOTE: I had half a tuna sandwich, no mayo, and a cup of fresh fruit). Now I'm thinking it's just plain ol' PMS! And that damn chocolate ice cream, just sitting there, in the fridge, taunting me, all the way from home!

So... if I were "you", I'd make sure I got home AFTER 6PM and leave for your show before I get home from the gym. I promise to go straight to bed when I get home. With any luck and some strategic timing, you may not have to see me until tomorrow when I'll try to be over this.

If you encounter me before then:

Do NOT ask "why".
Do NOT make stupid-ass jokes.
Do NOT tell me I'm pretty or thin - it's bullshit!
Realize you CANNOT make it better, or make it go away AND NEITHER CAN I!! Do NOT offer me ice cream or fast food - I have no willpower and will only be mad at both of us after I eat them!

Okay, so have a good show tonight, break a leg (in a good way), drive safely, and I love you.


I think that there should be a law that requires all women to post warnings like this before we men become stupid at home.

Trust me we will be stupid.

We can't help it.

Because we don't know what stupid is until after we've done it.

Because that's when you women will tell us about it.

A lot...

So I must applaud my wife for her e-mail.

She has created the PMS early warning system.

(I was going to suggest to her to make the font color the same as the terrorist threat advisory colors from the Dept. of Homeland Security but I didn't want to get kicked in the nuts.)

I now make this available to all women.

Just cut, paste and edit it to fit your own situation and e-mail it to your beloved idiot.

Gentlemen I would suggest you cut this out and give it to your wife, girlfriend, weekend fling or whatever and have her send it to you at the appropriate time because the life you save may be your own.

See honey... I can be sensitive.

By the way I'm nominating my wife for the Nordstrom Peace Prize.