Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I am an Idiot. I need... "The Rules".

I am an idiot.

It's true.

I have done some stupid things in my life.

Hard to believe?

Read my last post.

Go on... read it.

See what I mean?

You would think that after twenty seven years of marriage I would start to "get it".


I am an idiot.

A very lucky idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.

I think the problem is that...

Never mind.

I'm just and idiot. (The first step is admitting you have a problem.)

So I have started a list.

A list of rules.

Sort of the beginning of a survival guide for married men.

In writing.

So I won't ever forget.

Because we men do much better when we know the rules.

So here are the first three.

Rule Number One - Fall in love and marry a woman you can call your best friend. You can do a lot of stupid things around, and to, your best friend and your best friend will always be there for you and will forgive you... every time.

Do not marry your best friend if your best friend is a guy with a hairy back named Larry.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Rule Number Two - Fall in love and marry a woman with lousy aim, particularly with marble coasters.

Rule Number Three - Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, post in it's entirety, the contents of an e-mail your wife sends you. Especially if you haven't married Rule Number Two.

I will continue to add new rules as I do more and more stupid things.

Because let's face it.

If I haven't learned by now I'm sure to screw up again.

Gentlemen I will accept nominations for new rules from you as well. I know that each of us in his own special way is a walking encyclopedia of stupidity.

Ladies if your own special idiot inspires a new rule I'd love to hear about it. Mainly because the odds are that if I haven't already done it I am probably going to do it real soon.

Either way I could use a warning.

Because I'm too old to "bob and weave".

Plus I don't want to do anything to hurt my best friend.