You can't make this stuff up.....

"HEY BABE I'M HOME! I HAD A GREAT SET TONIGHT!"

"HONEY!!!!"

"YOU UPSTAIRS?"

"BABE???"

"Didn't you hear me yelling?"

"I heard you."

"You didn't answer me."

"You were yelling. I don't answer to yelling."

"I wasn't sure you were home."

"It's 11:00pm where did you think I was, the mall?"

"I.... just.... sorry."

"So did you go on stage and tell people what a bitch I am?"

"Huh? What? Where? Who? How? Huh?"

"You're always making me look like a bitch."

"What are you talking about? I've never called you a bitch. Not once. I'm the one that usually looks like an idiot."

"Well that's not that hard to do."

"Um.... Did I miss something?"

"You always pick on me on stage."

"How do you even know what I talk about on stage?"

"A girl in my office went to one of your shows and she said and I quote, "Your husband is really funny. Are you really that big a bitch to him at home?"

"Well she's wrong. You are not that big a bitch to me at home."

"So I'm a bitch I'm just not that big a bitch."

"You are not any kind of bitch."

"I read your last blog post.

(Crud.)

"You make me look like a bitch."

"I'm just trying to make people laugh."

"I did not punch you that hard."

"Huh?"

"You said I punched you in the kidney."

"You did punch me in the kidney."

"I punched you in the side."

"My kidney is in my side."

"Not on your side where I punched you."

"Maybe you shouldn't punch me at all."

"Maybe you shouldn't snore."

"THIRD BASE!"

"Third base? THIRD BASE? You think our life is WHO'S ON FIRST???"

"Look I'm sorry okay. I'll try not to make you look like a bitch."

"Fine, don't make me have to kill you."