Thursday, June 16, 2005

I saw the face of Jesus in my lasagna...briefly

Yes the look of my blog has changed and I'd like to thank Pryncess Kat, for all of her help and advice on putting this together.

The title of this post, "I saw the face of Jesus in my lasagna...briefly" was inspired by my good friend Paul Stoecklein.

Paul's blog, "You Had Me at Idiot", had a post called "The Plaster Miracle" which was very funny and made me take a long hard, albeit brief look, at my food.

I like the line so much in will be the subtitle of the "Fugetaboutit!!!" blog from now on.

Here's the deal. I actually did see a face in my "diet" lasgana but it was a little fatter than Jesus. I think it was Jerry Garcia. It dawned on me at that moment that in all the pictures of Jesus and his pals none of them are overweight. You would think at least one apostle was fat. You never read about 24 Hour Fitness Centers or Weight Watchers in the Bible. There's plenty of stories about food though aren't there? There had to be a fat apostle.

When I first saw the face I thought of calling my wife over to see it but she's already looking for a reason to have me committed.

I stared at the face for a while. Maybe 10 seconds. It was eerie. Then I ate it.

I ate the face of Jesus or Jerry Garcia.

If it was Jesus you would think he would have better sense than to put his image on a hungry Italians last serving of "diet" lasagna. You would also think it would say something like,"Stop don't eat me!" or "OH NO MR. BILL!"

Have you noticed how all these faces people see in food never speak? I regularly talk to my food and not once has it ever answered back.

I felt a little guilty after I ate it, and then I started thinking that you never see a fat person saying they have the face of anyone in their food. There's no time. Maybe that's how indigestion starts. That upset stomach is actually the face of a saint or dead rock star trying to get out.

Maybe God is everywhere and we just keep eating him. Everywhere but Olive Garden. I don't think God would ever put his image in any food from Olive Garden.

Real Italian my ass.

I've noticed that God and his friends tend to appear a lot in Mexican food. Food that's cooked at places who's names end in "bertos". You know, Alberto's, Adelberto's, Mamaberto's, Papaberto's, Babyberto's.

God also has an affinity for grilled cheese sandwiches. But then again, deep down, don't we all?

I wonder if there is any food that God wouldn't show up in. I've had some Indian Food that was so spicy that a face wouldn't stay long. Then again Jesus probably wouldn't show up in Indian food. It would probably be the face of Ghandi or Deepak Chopra.

I think we can rule out bagels and lox but not cream cheese. I think Jesus would be okay with cream cheese. Cream cheese and Ritz crackers. Everything goes better on a Ritz.

I will predict right now that Liver and Onions and Lima Beans will never have the face of Jesus on them. Write it down.

There are certain people that will never see the face of Jesus or The Virgin Mary in their food. Howard Dean for instance, although I'm pretty sure he's seen the face of Jerry Garcia.

I have a hunch that George Bush sees a lot of faces in his food. Donald Rumsfeld, or as I fondly refer to him, Grumpy Old Rumsfeld, regularly sees George Bush in his Cherrios.

So as I leave you I ask you to keep a keen eye on your munchies for signs of the apocalypse, or of a Grateful Dead ultimate reunion tour.

Let me know if you like the new look of this blog.